Entanglement [COMPLETED✔]

Bonus 5

Laura

Jameson Anderson was born one week before the actual due date.

I thought I'd make it through the 36 weeks, that I'd give birth on the day the doctor said but I didn't and I wasn't ready. I thought I was, I thought I could take the pain but I was so wrong.

It was hard to breath, to move, to think, my mind knotting as Alex drove me to the hospital. As he kept repeating over and over to breath and I tried, I really did but each breath was hard to take. Each time I did, words rushed in instead of air, the pain of knowing what I was getting myself into.

I think it was the physical pain that stopped me from actually pushing or so I tried tricking my mind. It was a balance between the pain and the thoughts, with the words Alex had said to me one night. With the whole truth of my pregnancy and I wish he had lied to me. I wish he hadn't told me but at the same time, I was grateful for his honesty, even when it hurt.

I made him promise to choose the baby over me if it came down to it. I made him swear it over and over as I held his hand in the hospital, as I squeezed so tight I thought I'd break his fingers. As the pain grew and grew, each breath harder to take, the edges of my eyes blurring and darkening.

I was raging with pain, crying, sobbing as I tried pushing as I tried so hard to push this baby into the world for hours. I knew Alex was crying too, I saw the tears but he kept trying to reassure me, kissing my forehead, telling me he loved me and I knew that he did, I loved him too even when I didn't say it as much as he did.

It wasn't that I didn't love him, I did, whole heartedly but I had lived my whole life never hearing them, that each time he said them, it went straight to my heart and I was speechless. I had grown up showing rather than speaking, had known that actions spoke words and each kiss I gave Alex was a 'I love you.'

How could I not love the man who looked after me? Who didn't care if I couldn't get pregnant? Who gave me his share of ice cream when I was too lazy to stand? It was the small things and I loved Alex profoundly.

But when I couldn't anymore with the pushing, I was rolled in for an emergency c-section, Alex still standing next to me. His forehead pressed against mine, brushing away the tears, his lips moving over and over as the doctors tried to pull my baby out.

My mind was weak and drowsy, spinning and throbbing, tears still falling until I heard his cry. I swear, it was the most beautiful cry in the world, each bone in me loosening, a weak grin on my lips as someone pressed the baby to my chest.

Tears still fell as I stared down at our son, at his bloody skin and fisted hands, at his wrinkled body. God, all I could do was kiss him before everything went dark.

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Jamie was in my arms hours later, cleaned up and dressed in a simple onesie. His lids closed, obscuring his beautiful blue eyes, his father's eyes. A small little nose, cheeks a little hollow but he'd grow, I'd make sure he grew.

He was perfect, even when he was born early, even when there were so many problems. All I cared about was that he had his ten fingers and toes, that he had his lungs and heart, that he was safe and in my arms after blacking out.

I was fine or I would be, maybe not now but I'd get stronger. I just needed rest, to sleep but first was my baby, first was feeding him, to nurture him so each one of his bones could grow.