Entanglement [COMPLETED✔]

1

Laura

No one ever stayed.

It was a hard pill to swallow, to know that eventually everyone around you left. That those friends you worked so hard to gain would forget about you. That your so called family would stop visiting you. Promises of forever ended and you are left alone with an empty feeling.

It was true pain to feel like no one ever wanted you, that even your parents didn't want you.

The ones that brought you into this world only to leave you. Abandoning you because maybe they never cared, maybe all those years you spent trying to make them smile were a waste. Maybe wishing on your birthday that you had a little more time with them was impossible.

That was the truth. A truth I had grown to know. Sad but real, destroying all the memories I had once thought fondly of.

And it should be easier, having a reason to not feel but as hard as I tried, she was my mother and I couldn't stop the pain from crawling around me. I couldn't stop the tears from gathering around my eyes as I saw my reflection in the mirror, from seeing the flash of my mothers face on my own.

Today marked the one year anniversary of my mother's death, a reminder that everyone left and in the end whatever you did to keep them, it didn't matter. It still pained me to be living while she laid six feet underground. It still hurt to think about her death, to think about her sudden change and departure. That alone should give me a reason to hate her, to feel anything but sorrow but I couldn't.

Even if she left me, even when she abandoned us.

And still, one year later I struggled to come to terms with her decision that led her to death. Because that's what happened shortly after she left, she died.

A terrible airplane crash that left her and her boyfriend at the time dead. It sucked, correction it more than sucked because I was a fool to think that the woman that bore me would stay and watch me grow. And I wanted to resent her, to hate her, to yell at her because how could she leave us? How could she abandon what I thought was close to a family?

Since that day, there was a shift into all my thinking. A shift that maybe was already there but wavering, a line that I knew at some point would be crossed. I thought all I had was gone, that like my mother, her husband would leave me because no one wanted to deal with a teenager. But he didn't.

I didn't expect him to stay- like everyone in my life, I never grew attached to anyone because it did hurt to see people walk away. I expected him to leave the moment I stopped mourning, for him to walk away and let me figure out adulthood by myself but he stayed.

Alex took care of me even when I was at my lowest, he showed me love when I needed it.

He stayed even when he only knew me for one year, he stayed even when my mother cheated on him, he stayed even when he didn't need to. And I was grateful for him, for his sacrifice in dealing with me, for giving me what I didn't believe in.

And by far, Alex was the longest man to ever stay in my life. So yeah, I loved him. Maybe a little too much...

Shaking off those thoughts, I brushed away the lingering images of my mother. Leaning over closer to the mirror, my fingers steady as I drew a dark line under my eyes, my eyes popping out as I finished my smokey look.

I knew I had all rights to stay home on this dreadful day, to cry because I had gone one year without her but why should I? She left me, she chose to leave me, broke whatever I thought we had, death did not. And anyways, I was in my last year of school,

Looking at myself once more in the mirror, I fixed my bangs, swiping the bag from my bed before heading downstairs. The floorboards squeaked as I passed Alex's bedroom, the door half opened.