Entanglement [COMPLETED✔]

21

Laura

Should I cry? Or should I yell? Should I tell him how much I missed him or hit him for all the lies? Should I tell him to leave me alone like he had done for the past six months or try to cradle him close? Or kiss him until I was pieced back together?

What was one supposed to do when the love of your life stood in front of you looking as handsome as ever even when dark circles hung under his eyes? What was I supposed to do when my heart ached both in pain and love? When I could break down again because I loved him so damn much.

Opening my mouth, I tried saying something, I tried mustering up enough force to say anything but I was too clogged up with emotion by him. 

I could feel the flutter in my stomach as I ran my eyes over him again, those memories of him hardening in my head. Of the many looks he had given me, of how he had felt, all of it a lifetime away when I still thought he had married my mother and cared for me. And it was wrong to feel those emotions in me, to feel the need coiling in my stomach as his eyes locked with mine.

Clamping my mouth shut, I tried to piece my thoughts again. To say something but he beat me to it, stealing my breath away. 

"I love you."

A crack broke my healing heart because Alex would never say that. He didn't love me, no one did, I was unlovable. Alex hadn't looked for me all these months, he wasn't here and it was all in my mind. I was just going crazy. 

It was the memories, the fact that I was here, that tucked at the bottom of my bag was another shirt I had stolen from him because the one I had taken no longer smelled of him. It was all in my head but each word resonated more across my mind, my shattered heart and made my heart flare once more.

"I love you Laura-" I felt him, his hands engulfing mine, his scent washing over me- "I love you and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize. I'm sorry it took me months to talk to you, sorry because I wasn't there when you needed me. Sorry for lying to you, for making you think such things about who we are. I know a thousand apologies will never erase the pain but understand me?"

I fell down and down, each word punching me deeper and making my heart beat faster. Over half a year and he was finally apologizing to me, he was finally coming to me, he was doing what I had wanted him to do so long ago. 

I knew there were others, voices and talking, moving and whatnot but as I opened my eyes, all I cared about was him. The man with the blue eyes that were darker than the water but still beautiful.

"And I know I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you but I love you. And I know we started on the wrong foot. I know that I shouldn't have gone in with lies but I did and I can only explain it all to you. I can only tell you that I never loved your mother the way I love you. That I thought I did but what I felt was an illusion because for once I thought that I could have a family but I was wrong. I can tell you that even when you are beautiful, I love who you are inside. I love the strong woman you became, the one that didn't break down after life tried to bring you down. And God I am a dick for hurting you, for breaking you because I know I did. I can see it in your eyes and I hate myself for that."

I blinked away the tears, or tried to. I tried to pull myself together, to tell myself that he hadn't broken me but he had. I had broken and I had tried to piece myself together not for me but for someone else. I had tried to heal for someone again but never for me.

Alex didn't move, his hold on me tightening. "It's true that I lied. That I hid so much from you and it's so fucked up because what I did was wrong. It was wrong but so right because what grew between was meant to be."