Entanglement [COMPLETED✔]

16

Laura

Growing up, I had seen the many men that had followed my mom, that had tried to pursue her, that had tried to give her more than a car to sleep in. 

I used to see her smile at them, only that and never more. I used to look up with amazement because how could a woman just smile and have a flock of men fawn over her? How could she do it and not look at them twice, without accepting their help? 

It really didn't matter because I realized that she didn't need any man, not unless that man was my dad. 

But one thing I could say for sure was that no matter how many times she pushed away all those men, how many times she rejected them, they came back with a better offer. 

She was loved. 

Everyone loved her, strangers, my father and Alex. I knew that, he loved her and it was a hard blow to my own self knowing that. Knowing that he would love anyone but never me, that even when he had stayed, it didn't mean he loved me. 

Then again, I was stupid for thinking that lust meant love. I was stupid for thinking that sex was an emotion, that seducing a man with clothes and one's body would make them feel an ounce of love. I was wrong and stupid for thinking that I deserved an inch of love. 

Seeing Alex kiss another woman, it was a pain like I never knew. It was my heart being shredded and stomped over because I had actually fallen and he… I was used to it. 

That was the answer. The lies, the secrets, it all made sense. 

My mother had left Alex to search for her love. Alex had told me they were married yet they weren't. He had taken me in on that basis, he had held me when I was falling apart. He had pointed out how I looked like her, how I resemble my mother except for the eyes.

The past weeks had been a lie, a trick, nothing. 

Was I nothing to him?

Before him I had been used before, I had been tricked into false friendships, I had been fooled by many boys. I had been used and taken advantage of and it hurt. But with time I got used to it, with time I adapted. But for Alex to do it? 

I couldn't bear that.

The darkness that surrounded me was peaceful, much better than the reality of who I was and what I did. It would be so much better if I didn't wake up.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

When I was young, I used to fall, I used to scratch my knees and face. I used to bleed, chip my nails and peel my skin. 

Then again every child had their scratches and bruises, they had their falls. It was normal to have those accidents, careless mistakes done without knowing, they were small reminders of a day, a good day because that's what they meant for me. Those falls and scratches meant the sun days I would have with my mother, the spare minutes she had to give me. 

But now, years later, my mother was dead. The pain I felt wasn't that of a small scratch or push. It wasn't something I wanted to feel, nor wanted to see. 

Cracking my eyes open, I knew the pain in my bones wasn't good. I knew that the soreness and headache I had was a reminder of what I saw. Who I saw, the reality of it all. 

Turning slightly, my eyes fluttered in agony, each bone in my body aching, hurting as I stared at the windows. Seeing the crack between the curtains, seeing the rising sun on the horizon. 

I blinked, knowing well what had happened. Knowing that I was in the hospital but not knowing exactly how long I had been out. Shifting again, a small whimper left my lips, my neck aching, my hold on the sheets tightening.