It's Only 8 Seconds

Chapter Nine

Ail's POV (Behind the scenes struggles) 

There were things that were going on in my own life that I did not allow other people to see. I was only twenty years old when I fell pregnant with River, I didn't think that, that was the way my life was going to go. Once Ryder left me I didn't even know if I wanted to keep something that was half of him, just out of fear that my child would become someone who was just going to leave, and that my child was just going to be a constant reminder of the man I once loved. When Ryder left I crumbled and became a girl that I hardly recognised, and that broke me. 

The day that Ryder's letter came in the mail I opened it with such excitement, I hadn't gotten a letter from him since we were both rodeoing two years ago. But once I opened the letter and read the content I fell right there next to the mailbox. Everything I had come to know was gone and I was just going to be alone.  My mother started to come around and see me every now and then, I thought that I might need to go and get a job just so I could somehow support myself, and that's what I did. Only a few days after Ryder left me and came to get Colt without a word spoken I went into town and started work at a little cafe, it was an environment that I never imagined myself working, but I loved every minute of it. There was a girl there who was the same age as me who worked there, her name was Wren and she was a barrel racer as well, except she somehow had her life together. 

As the months went by I began to tier more and didn't have the motivation I used to, to even go out and do basic chores for the horses. Apache was out in his pasture most of the time and got hard feed ever now and then. Bird's little foal was now big enough to be taken off her and the other horses were just sitting in the pasture going to waste. So I made the decision to sell Maple and the foal off to good homes, I kept Token, Bird and Apache as I knew then in my heart that I would somehow have my spark come back. I just prayed that it would be soon. 

The nine months of being pregnant went by so fast and it was suddenly September. Ryder didn't contact me in those months even though he knew very well that I was bearing his child. Wren was having coffee with me at my home when I started my labour, I couldn't have thought of a better person to have there with me. While I was having my contractions Wren promised me that once I was back on my feet we would be going to rodeo's together, I was so excited for that. There was also a part of me that was scared as well. 

After River was born I had a change of heart and became a much happier person, but I was going to be on a long journey to recovery. There were a lot of things that I needed to learn to do and the whole being a mom thing was very new to me.