Gwendoline and Nikolaj finished their meals, with her ignoring his clearly tented pants until it went away. She wouldn't give into his quiet encouragements, his pleas to give him the same release. She held her own, even shooting him a glare when he tried to touch her inner thigh again. She ordered a dessert she knew Giles would like and got it to-go.
"I meant it. You're in trouble." She said as they got back into Nik's car.
"Was it at least a little fun? You certainly looked like you were enjoying yourself." He smirked, rubbing her thigh as he settled into his seat.
"No, it actually riddled me with anxiety. But it's hard to be anxious with your fingers inside of me." She bit her lip, hand rested on top of his.
Nik started driving her back to her hotel. They had stayed and talked until almost midnight. They had teased each other and joked all night long while they finished off their food and wine. He had such a wonderful time, he just hoped she had too, even if she was a little angry for that... rather public display.
"Nik... truly, you can't hold my hand like that when we're out."
He glanced over at her as they pulled up to a red light. "What the hell do you mean?"
"Oh, come on. You can't be that simple. If someone should see us, word would get around faster than spoiler rumors. We're not subtle. I know that I didn't stop you, so that's... partially my fault."
"Why didn't you stop me then?"
Gwen stayed quiet, staring out the window.
"Why?"
She hesitated, a familiar burning at the back of her eyes. "Because I was too afraid that you brought me there to... tell me something."
"Did you think I was divorcing my wife?"
"I don't know, Nik, you do stupid things all the time!"
"Well maybe I was going to tell you something, but you made me chicken out because you were looking at me like I was psychotic."
She stopped, taken aback. "What were you going to tell me...?"
He swallowed hard. "That I love you."
She sighed. She could hardly say that she was surprised.
"I do, Gwen."
"You love the idea of me. You and I would never work the way you want it to."
"Of course we would! We've been best friends since day one. We didn't have to work for the chemistry like everyone else did, it just happened. I, I moved around seating arrangements to sit by you during award ceremonies - every year - even when they told me no. I called you to congratulate you every time the show was nominated for something." Nikolaj gripped the steering wheel tighter, never taking his eyes off the road. His voice was now dripping with malice. "I stayed late nights with you to give you acting tips because you were nervous on camera. I have spent weeks upon weeks with you in different countries when we weren't even filming together. I came to rehearsals just to give you encouragement and a shoulder to cry on when you were overwhelmed. I was even there when they cut your hair and you cried." His voice broke at the last word. "I hate seeing you cry."
He fell silent, his breath shaky.
Gwen sniffled and shook her head. "I'm not denying that you love me... I-I love you too. But it won't work... You like football, and hiking, and going on month long journeys in the middle of nowhere to freeze your balls off on a glacier. Nikolaj, when have you ever seen me go out into the wilderness? I like fashion, and I like art, live performances, modeling. You would rather kill yourself than sit through a fashion show unless I was in it."
He scoffed. "That's why we compromise. I go to an art exhibit with you, you come to a game with me. I take you on a hike, you take me to a fashion show. If we do it together, will it really be all that miserable?"
Gwen responded with a quiet 'no' and reached for his hand. Nik sighed softly and held her hand tightly.
"I'm sorry, Gwen. I just want us to work... so badly."
"So do I... You're still married though. Everyone is calling me a homewrecker."
"You're not."
Gwen scoffed. "Obviously I know that. But no one would believe that your wife is okay with this-"
"Because she's not."
"I know she's not. I'm not convinced your girls are either."
Nik nodded slowly. "They're coming around to the idea. But when Nukaaka gets angry or upset, they take her side." He pulled up to the hotel, turning to face her better.
She sighed. "I'm so glad I don't have any kids."
Trying to lighten the mood, Nik japed. "We could change that."
Gwen narrowed her eyes at him, then slipped her hand out of his grasp. "Goodnight, Nik." She got out and closed the door a little harder than she intended.
She paused for a split second, wondering if she should apologize. No, you don't need to do anything. She lifted her chin and made her way back up to her hotel room. She unlocked it and let herself inside, placing the cake she brought Giles in the miniature fridge.
She sat on the edge of her bed and felt the warm tears she had been holding back roll slowly down her cheeks. This was all unfair. It was unfair that Nikolaj thinks everything will work out in some fairy tale fashion. It was unfair to Nukaaka and his daughters that he loved her. It was unfair to Giles that she loved Nik back. It was unfair to Nik how selfish she was in the beginning of their relationship, she had flirted with him relentlessly even though she knew he was married.
What if they did have a baby together? Gwen had always bounced the idea back and forth. When she was younger, she probably wouldn't have gotten the chance to get through theater school if she had a baby. After that, she went through a rather... rough partying stage, but with a baby then she wouldn't have met Theo Adams, Patrick Wolfe, she probably wouldn't have met Katie and Giles either. Her entire life would have been different.
But now... her career has just gotten started, she just ended one of the biggest projects she'll ever take part in. She was accepting roles in movies and even took the role of Titania at the Bridge Theater that would run for nearly three months. There was no way now would be a good time. But she couldn't help but imagine herself, all fat and pregnant, 15 feet in the air, suspended in a silk swing. Fucking ridiculous. A flying whale, how wonderful. What if soon was the right time? And if it was, would it be Giles' or Nik's? Would she get a surrogate? Would she even be able to carry a baby if she tried?
What the fuck am I even thinking?
Gwen got up and went into the bathroom, shaking her head at herself. She kicked her heels off on her way there, again leaving them in the middle of the floor. She closed the door behind her and put her hair into a low bun. Deliberately and gently, she removed her makeup and wiped the drying tears from her cheeks. You've no reason to cry, she told herself. You're upset over nothing. She started up the bath, making sure it was nice and hot before plugging it. Her dress and underwear were stripped off and laid on the counter.
Gwendoline stared at herself in the mirror. Shoulders broad and covered in freckles. Her breasts, petite and perky, covered in love bites from both Nik and Giles - mostly Nik. Her stomach was lean, but not as well toned as it was during her constant training for Game of Thrones. She was especially bloated now, that was a lot of pasta she had eaten. Pausing her self-admiration, she turned to the side and placed a hand on her bloated lower stomach. How strange and unusual would it be to have a baby in there? She took her hand away. Very.
She sighed and got into the tub. A small and pathetic excuse of a tub, she was scrunched up uncomfortably to fit her body. She decided on having her knees out of the water, her heels getting closer and closer to touching the back of her thighs. She sunk down so her shoulders were covered by the water. Her muscles slowly relaxed, her breathing becoming more calm.
A knock on the bathroom door made her close her eyes in frustration. "Yes?"
