I can't tell Nikolaj.
Holy shit I really can't tell Nikolaj.
I'd rather have the guilt eat me alive than ever see the hurt on his face.
He is my future.
He is what I'm looking forward to in life.
"Gwendoline! Look alive!"
She quickly blinked and looked up from where her eyes had lost their focus on her script. They were hour 2 into their rehearsal, she'd been sitting off to the side, waiting for her blocking cues while the Rude Mechanicals got theirs .
She stood quickly. "My apologies, just... reading ahead."
"No need, come on up here." The director waved a dismissive hand and continued.
The entire time she kept thinking of Giles and Nikolaj. Of course I can't tell Nik what happened, he'd be devastated. Crushed. I could swear Giles to secrecy, he'd love holding that over Nik's head even if it means nothing. He doesn't need one more thing to worry about - not that Nik has reason to worry, considering sleeping with Giles isn't quite... how do we put this nicely? Not worth it? Sore knees, aching thighs (and not in a good way), and he's not much help in getting off. I have better ways I can spend my time.
She had to swear that man to secrecy.
Gwen pushed the door closed with her foot and quite literally dropped everything, as nicely and gently as she could, to the floor as it clicked behind her. She left her boots in the middle of the hall and continued her way to the kitchen, where she heard Giles clanging around a pot or pan.
Giles turned, a pot in one hand and the matching lid in the other, and before he could even open his mouth-
"I need something to ask of you."
His brows furrowed. "I was just going to ask if you wanted pasta tonight."
"Yes, but we need to discuss something."
He gave a broad gesture with the lid still in hand. "Talk away."
"Alright..." She leaned against the counter, playing with the hem of her sweater. "I need you to keep something a secret. It's really important to me that this person never finds out."
"You're embarrassed that we slept together."
Her eyes grew wide. "That's not what I said."
"Gwen, darling, that's what you meant. And that's fine. I won't tell Nikolaj if you're so worried about it. I don't really have reason to." He shrugged, continuing to prepare dinner.
"I can't tell him, it would break his little heart and I'm not sure I have the capability to piece it back together." She sulked. "He's sensitive in the strangest ways."
"You have my word, I won't tell him." He snaked his arms around her and kissed her shoulder. "And if he asks, I'll deny it if you want."
She leaned heavily into him and closed her eyes, growing quiet. "I would like that, thank you."
"For you, anything."
I'll hold him to that.
Nikolaj hadn't returned for the premiere of Game of Thrones, but they made an effort to watch it together over FaceTime. Not quite the same since it was a day late and they had already seen it, but it kept their minds off of being apart. Being away was slowly becoming more agonizing for Gwen, she didn't really... miss him before because they'd talked regularly over the phone in the way that good friends do, y'know, in addition all the gentle flirtation and dirty talk that occasionally rose in conversation. Now, it was different. She didn't just miss the thrill of fucking him in secret or arguing with him over nothing anymore. She missed his smell, the way he held her when they slept, the silly little things he said when he first woke up, seeing how much he cared for her and his girls.
