Gwen sat on the bathroom floor, watching the timer on her phone tick down slowly. The silence filled the air and slowly started to become suffocating.
One minute left.
How on earth can I be sitting here, waiting like a damn fool in my pink pajamas and fuzzy socks?
Fifty seconds.
I'm too old for this.
Forty seconds.
The boys would be elated.
Thirty seconds.
The boys would be devastated.
Twenty seconds.
At least my mother would be happy. Right?
Ten seconds.
Her heart was beating out of her chest, her limbs felt heavy, and her eyes burned. Can this really be happening?
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
She silenced it before it could even start ringing and nearly jumped out of her own skin as Giles knocked on the door.
"Gwendoline, darling...is everything alright?" His voice was quiet, concerned.
Gwen hesitantly reached over and unlocked the door. "You can come in..."
He slowly opened the door and peeked his head in. "Why are you on the floor? Are you feeling unwell? I can go make you some soup. Or just get you water." He stepped in and squatted in front of her. He placed the back of his hand on her forehead. "You're not feverish."
Gwen felt the familiar sting of tears at the back of her eyes. "Giles, it's not that. I'm not feeling unwell."
"Then why on earth are you sitting on the bathroom floor?" His lips pulled into an amused smile.
"I might be pregnant."
He blinked slowly at her, whatever semblance of a smile he had now gone and replaced with shock. "What?"
"I-I have the test sitting right there." She gestured at the small stick sitting on the counter top. "I haven't even looked at it yet."
Giles glanced at the test, then sat beside Gwen and gently rubbed her knee. "So...what if you are?"
"What do you mean? Then I'm pregnant, I... I have a baby."
"Well," he cocked his head to the side a little. "Not necessarily. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But I'm... here to support you no matter what you choose."
"God, what did I do to deserve you?" She squeaked out the last of the sentence before bursting into tears. She sat up and wrapped her arms around him, her face buried into his shoulder. "I-I can't, I can't, Giles, I can't... I thought I could but I can't."
"Shh... Gwennie, you're okay." He stroked her hair. "I've got you, honey, I'm not going anywhere."
"What if-"
"Darling, you haven't even looked at the test." He gently pulled away, grabbing her shoulders. "Do you want me to do it for you?"
She nodded slowly, wiping the tears from her eyes, using the back of her sleeve. Giles stood and grabbed the test, looking at it, then at the box, then back at the test. The tension growing as he examined it closely only caused her heart rate to skyrocket and tears to further pool into her eyes.
She choked out another sob. "Fuck, Giles, spit it out."
"You're not."
She blinked a few times up at him. Her voice was quiet and hoarse. "I'm not?" She stood and grabbed the test from him.
"One line. Not pregnant."
"Oh." Is all she managed to say.
Giles set down the box and leaned against the counter. "Gwen... were you hoping that you were?"
She sat on the edge of the bath, elbows on her knees, the test still clutched tightly in one hand. "I don't know. I..." She trailed off, swiping her sleeve across her eye again. "I wanted it so badly in the beginning but even just thinking that I was, for a short time, was the most terrifying thing."
Giles only stared at her, his brows knit together with worry and confusion.
"I have a long list of concerns... regarding everything from my age to genetics to fertility and how you and Nikolaj would handle having a baby." Gwen pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead.
She felt his leg brush against hers as he sat, a warm and solid hand resting against her back. "Gwen, I think that if this is something you really wanted, you wouldn't be so afraid."
She leaned into him. "No, it's quite the opposite really. I'm so worried because this is so important to me, I'm afraid of failing..." She shut her eyes tightly. "I don't want to fail as a mother before I even get the chance to be one."
Giles pulled her into his arms once again. "Then maybe... Maybe this is something we can discuss with a doctor. To alleviate your worries?" He had a twinge of optimism in his voice. Was this something he really wanted?
Gwen nodded slowly and laid her head on his shoulder. "When we get back I will. I don't feel like going today when we're leaving tomorrow."
He nodded back in understanding. "I'm a little surprised you aren't. You two have been spending so much time together." He squeezed her arm. "I'm surprised you can even walk most days."
"Giles!" She shoved him, hiding her laughter. "You're horrible!"
"I'm sorry, was that out of line?" He grinned and stood. "Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you." He held his hand out to her.
She took it and stood. "I don't know how your brain gets from point A to point B sometimes, but I won't object."
Gwen set the test down on the counter. She then followed Giles down the hall to his studio. The room was more cluttered than it usually was, several shades and textures of green fabric squares were pinned to the walls, rolls of the same fabrics strewn along the floor. Several pieces of paper were crumpled and scattered around his desk. The dress form by the window was covered with a pristine white cloth.
"This is going to be a very Jaime giving Brienne armor type reveal, isn't it?" She laughed and sniffled away the last of her tears.
He smirked. "But I have two hands." He grabbed the bottom of the cloth and pulled it up over the dress form.
A forest green, silk dress was uncovered bit by bit before she took it fully. Gwen had seen the original design, but there was absolutely nothing like seeing the final product in all its glory. Grecian in style, she knew it would be very fitting on her. She stepped forward, being mindful of the items on the floor. She grabbed and felt the it in her hands, running a finger along the pleated fabric around the bodice. She admired the handcrafted flowers and the small crystals within them. It was perfect.
She covered her eyes with her hand. "Oh god, it's happening again." She gave a short laugh. "I'm sorry. It's beautiful, Giles, thank you." She forced air in and out of her lungs, trying not to sob like she's desperately wanted to all of today.
She felt his arms around her yet again. He kissed her temple softly. "How about I get you something to eat, we relax in bed, and eventually - when the time is right - we figure out which doctor we want to go to."
She nodded and drug her hand from her eyes, taking in another long look at the gown. "Please."
"You go get into bed." He walked her out of his studio, shutting the door behind them.
Gwen kissed his cheek before walking down the hall to their room, Giles walking in the opposite direction to the kitchen. She crawled into bed, under the covers, and dragged one of her favorite decorative pillows to her chest. How in the hell am I going to tell Nikolaj?
