dear ricky

letter 4

dear ricky.

today started off as a good day. really, it did. the pain wasnt bad. i didnt need extra medicine. i didnt struggle to leave my bed.

and it was a saturday too, so we got to spend the day together. in the afternoon on this day, remember you tried to show me how to ride your skateboard? that was so fun. you holding my hands pulling me along.

until i fell. and hit my head on the sidewalk.

it hurt so fucking much. i thought the pain from that would kill me before i even got my two months in.

but of course i didnt want to worry you, or have you suspect anything. so I got up and pretended to be okay for a while. then i made an excuse of why i had to go home and told my mom what happened. she said we needed to go to the hospital just in case; that was a good call.

on the ride there i had a seizure. sometimes i can tell when they're coming. today i could, which was good because i was able to unbuckle and lay on my side before it happened.

then i was seizing in the car and threw up everywhere and it was awful. my mom called 911. we got to the hospital.

they did some scans and saw i had a brain bleed. now i have to get surgery. because of the blood thinners its bad. they say i could die quicker, die right now. theyre prepping me to go under right this minute.

i know it sounds scary but its really okay. a brain bleed just means that theres too much blood putting pressure on my head and they need to repair it and drain it. i will be fine. brain surgery isnt ideal but its not like theyre doing anything crazy.

i wont be at school monday. or tuesday. or wednesday, thursday, friday. you will text me and ask whats going on. i will tell you im sick with the flu, or out of town or visiting my grandparents. i dont know yet. but i hate lying to you.

ive got to go. theyre about to take me to the operating room. OR 3, its the one im always in, its my doctors favorite. see you on the other side.

love always. nini.