dear ricky

letter 6

dear ricky,
last night was my favorite night of my entire life. and i truly do mean that.

you came over for dinner. it was friday and my moms were going out for the weekend. you fake went home and told your dad you were sleeping over at big reds, but instead you came back to my house.

we just went in my room and watched movies and talked. i thought you would ask me about the past two weeks, accuse me of lying about my whereabouts (obviously i was) but you didn't. instead we just talked about anything and everything else.

somehow we ended up on the topic of college. and then our futures, what we wanted to do. we planned it all out; we would move in together in a big house in the suburbs and we'd have four kids and two dogs. we would go on family hikes on weekends. we would have a big pool in our backyard where we would spend every minute of summer in. we would never send our kids to daycare, but we both would still work; just different schedules. and we would still have plenty of time to be together. with the family, and alone.

i thought it would make me sad, to talk about a future i couldnt have, to make plans i would never be able to carry through. but it was actually a little bit comforting, to pretend that i don't have only a few short weeks to live. even if it was only for a little bit.

you have all that time ricky. you have that future. so promise me that when i die, you wont waste all your time being sad about it. you only have one life, and just because mine was short i dont want you to be sad and suffer. promise me that.

love always, nini