Lost

Chapter 14

A heavy fog hung over camp the next day as they packed their things. Aeryn's death, as well as knowing things like that existed just under the surface of their new planet, had everyone on edge, and hurting.
Aeryn had joined Dell in Thora's nightmares. They stood, staring at her with blank white eyes. Silently. They both raised their arms, pointing at her. Then, a sound from all around her seemed to scream 'your fault!'
She shook the image from her head. There was nothing she could do about it. She had failed them but it was over, in the past. Now, she had to focus on getting her living friends to safety.
Once her sleeping bag was stuffed hastily into her backpack, along with the rest of her meager possessions, she leaned against a tree, waiting for the others to finish up.
She stared out at the desert-like land. They needed to cross it, and she had a feeling that the bug they killed wasn't the only one out there. It wasn't going to be easy. They had stocked up on water, made sure to clean it to the best of their ability, and made sure people knew when it was their turn to carry the baskets.
She shook her head, reminding herself that she wanted to check on Anakin before they left. Luther had told her that he was doing better, but the boy was still drowsy and weak from having so much blood sucked from his veins.
The boy was still asleep, wrapped in his sleeping bags, shivering. Luther was there, crouched down along with Kenji, who was checking the boy's temperature with the back of his hand.
They looked up when they heard her approach. Luther grinned, while Kenji offered her a half-genuine smile.
"Morning, Commander," he said, though his voice was low and heavy, gruffer than it normally was. She swallowed, forcing back the tears that were threatening to fall. 
"How's he doing?" she asked, the words came out sharper than she intended. She cleared her throat, but Luther didn't notice their lack of excitement.
"He should be okay eventually," Kenji told her. "The poison has pretty much flushed out of his system by now." He was right; the darkness in the veins was starting to recede, which was lucky for them, since they had no antivenom.
"Will he be okay to travel?"
Kenji shrugged. "With help. Luther might have to carry him." If that was his attempt at a joke, it was a pretty lame one. She clapped a hand on his back.
"Good. We're heading out in half an hour." Both boys nodded and she saw Luther shake Anakin awake as she turned around. If anyone could make her feel even a bit better, it was Fisher.
Glancing around, he wasn't anywhere in camp, so she figured he had either fallen into one of the holes, or decided to take a walk down by the pond to clear his mind. Knowing he wasn't stupid- at least most of the time- she guessed he had gone to the pond.
She made her way there, keeping an eye on the time. Her feet crunched on the dry ground, unlike back where they had landed, where the soil was soft and spongy.
Reaching the edge of the clearing, the pond now in sight, she saw Fisher sitting atop a log, his back hunched.
She walked over, making sure to break a twig or two on the way so she wouldn't scare him. Even so, he didn't turn.
Thora sat down on the log beside him. Fisher was drawing shapes absently in the mud. For a long moment, they didn't speak, just stared out at the water as they tried to make sense of their thoughts.
"You know," Fisher started, "when I was younger, my mom would always draw with me whenever I was stressed. It was like my release." His eyes were unfocused, lost in memories. "As I got older, we stopped drawing together but I would still do it whenever I was angry or scared- which was a lot back then. In the bunker, we were... discouraged from using paper we didn't need to conserve resources. And I ended up getting into a lot of fights because I had no other way of coping." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was barely more than a whisper. "I almost beat a guy to death, Thora. All because I can't deal with my fucking feelings like a normal person."
A single tear ran down his face, his eyebrows furrowed. Once again, she was at a loss. Human emotions were never her strong suit and seeing someone so raw, so open... it made her uncomfortable, like her skin was crawling.
Slowly, carefully, she laid a hand on his shoulder. His head snapped toward her, blinking quickly as if he had forgotten she was there. He sniffed, then wiped away the tear that had rolled down to his chin.
"I just- I want to know when I'll stop losing friends... when we'll stop losing family." He looked at her, his eyes filled with such pain and longing to be happy that she almost fell to her knees and sobbed. For Dell. For Aeryn. For Fisher, who had lost his mother, the only true family he had left. For Blake, who she wasn't even sure was alive. But also for herself. She was just a kid. She didn't want any of this, no matter what they said about their records being expunged. She just wanted her friends back, to hug her brother, to cry and convince him that she was innocent.
"I don't know-" her words were cut off by a harsh sob. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes. "But we will. Someday we'll be happy. We'll remember those we lost and celebrate those who are still with us." She chose her words carefully, made sure not to say the word 'promise,' because it seemed like everytime she did, the person she made the promise to died.
Then, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. He seemed surprised for a moment, then hugged back, even tighter. He gripped her as if that would make all the troubles in his life somehow disappear.
"I just wanna go home," he whispered into her shoulder, sounding like a shell of the person he usually was, broken, beaten. Her heart ached for him. For all of them. They were just kids.
Her hand instinctively went to his hair, threading through it. "I know, Fisher. I know."
They didn't talk for a long while, just cried into each other's arms.
Thora splashed her face in the pond water, trying in vain to get rid of the blotchiness in her cheeks. Fisher didn't even try, his tear-streaked face a memorial for their fallen friends.
When she stood back up, shaking a water droplet off her nose, she had to admit that she felt better. As is Aeryn had sacrificed herself so they could be happy. As if things really were going to get better and it wasn't just an empty promise she'd made to a heartbroken Fisher.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked, her voice still the tiniest bit scratchy. Fisher nodded, offered her a smirk, though it wasn't like his normal smirks, which were bursting with confidence and sass, as if he didn't have a care in the world. This one was dark, heavy, and it didn't reach his eyes. She cringed slightly, but tried to hide it.
"Only thing we can do, right?" he asked sarcastically. "I mean-" he was cut off as a dark figure flashed passed him, knocking him to the ground. Her head whipped in the direction the thing was going, but it was already gone. All it left behind was a quaking bush.
"What the hell?" she exclaimed, rushing over to help him to his feet. Once standing, Fisher dusted himself off, eyebrows low. Before she could say anything else, he was walking toward where the thing had disappeared.
"What are you doing?" she whisper-yelled, glancing around. He said nothing. Once again, she felt like they were being watched. Goosebumps popped up on her arms and she didn't bother to rub them down. She hurried after him, eyes darting around the red-hued undergrowth.
This is a bad idea, she thought, pushing through the leaves with more force than necessary.
Fisher was only a few feet ahead of her, his feet like velvet on the forest floor, crouching slightly over the spongy ground. He didn't make a sound and if she hadn't been able to see him, she never would have suspected he was even there.
"Why are we following the mysterious shadow creature?" she said. He shushed her, standing up straight.
"Do you hear that?" he asked, and she froze midstep, nearly colliding into his back. Her ears pricked, she listened for anything that sounded like footsteps. Instead, she heard running water. She let out a gasp.
He shot a grin at her over his shoulder. Fisher surged forward and she had no choice but to follow, curious now. She almost lost him in the brush, but when she caught up to him, he was standing ankle-deep in river water.
"All rivers run to the sea." 
"This is it," he said with a nod. "We have to follow the river." He pointed the opposite way from the pond, the way the water was flowing. "I know it. This is our way home. This is the way I get to take you fishing." He looked truly happy for the first time that day which made her face split into a grin.
He kissed her ecstatically and she almost drew back because it was so sudden. "We have to go tell the others!" He took her hand and pulled her back the way they came.