A Court Of Flowers And Shadows {Azriel Shadowsinger}

Chapter Twenty-Six

"This is going to sound really bitchy and possibly stupid but why are we here?"

"We are here because this is where I usually go when I need to get away from the group," Azriel told her as he sat down beside her near the small pond.

Amara nodded lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why are you suddenly being so nice to me? A month ago you told me I was acting childish and that I had to grow up, so why the sudden change?"

Azriel had been waiting for that question. He was surprised it had taken her this long to ask, he'd assumed she would ask that night on the balcony, or maybe when he had been by her side the next morning after she had another nightmare. He had gone to her though which meant she hadn't trusted him enough to come to him. Azriel assumed she just needed the comfort and that was why she hadn't pushed him away. He'd been waiting for this question and yet he still didn't really have an answer. He'd intended to just leave her be and let her get through this alone, like he believed that she'd wanted, but then he'd heard her screaming in the night and he'd seen her leave the room whenever there was any sort of dark liquid brought in.

"I couldn't just sit by and watch you suffer," Azriel admitted as he looked over at her. "At first I thought that maybe this was something that you needed to get through on your own; that you were being coddled and babied by your brother. I didn't realise how bad it was until your first night here. And I will always be sorry that I haven't been there for you these last three months because I should have been. I should have showed up when you asked me to but I didn't and you suffered way more than you should have in that time and I will always regret that."

"You know, people keep telling me that they're sorry there isn't more that they can do. They say that they're sorry they weren't there to stop it or that they didn't know that it was as bad as I said it was. I'm getting kind of sick of hearing that when the second that Feyre got here, all that anybody wanted to do was help her and make sure that she was okay and that she was getting everything she needs. Apparently, no matter what court we're in, Feyre is the one that matters the most," Amara said with a sigh. "So, I would really appreciate it if you stopped apologising because apologies don't change anything. They're just empty words. I can't heal or do anything with empty words."

Azriel looked over at her and sighed. "Then what is it that you do need?"

"I don't know," she admitted as she looked over at the pond, a frown making its way on to her face. "The waterlilies are dying..."

Azriel followed her eyeline and nodded when he saw that she was right. "Yeah... I guess they are..."

Amara leaned forward and carefully cupped the closest waterlily to them, letting out a shaky breath slowly as her eyes fluttered shut. She didn't have to concentrate as hard now to use her powers to revive the waterlilies but she felt more at peace when her eyes were closed. It helped her feel the flowers actually reviving and going back to normal... it gave her hope that maybe she could be revived like them.

It helped her believe that she could be her old self again.

Azriel watched her and noticed that when she opened her eyes again, they didn't light up like they used whenever he saw her do this before. "You aren't broken, you know? Just maybe a little lost."

"Maybe not, but I'm not me. Not anymore..."

"Maybe not completely. But there are still parts of you left. You just need to learn who the new you is."

She was silent for a bit, her eyes on the pond, before she looked over at Azriel again. "What if I don't like who it is?" Amara asked him quietly.

"Well, that's the beauty of it. You have control over who you become."