ERIC AND I found our way back onto the roof. We sat at the edge with our shoulders touching. "Do you think they were only my friends because they didn't think I'd be a threat to them ?"He nods , but doesn't say anything else. "Ashley always stole my friends in school. I don't know why I thought this would be any different."
I laid on my back , leaving my legs to continue dangling over the ledge. "She must've been a real bitch ," Eric says while laying down as well.
I laugh , "She was. In our early years she told all the other kids I had a type of plague so they wouldn't play with me anymore."
"It was stupid really ," I continue.
Eric laughs , "Extremely. All those Erudite kids and not one knew that most plagues were highly contagious."
"Exactly ," I laugh loudly. A few moments of silence pass before I speak again. "Four keeps telling me your a bad person ," I say. "I think maybe he has a bad impression of you because I don't think you are at all."
"What if I was ? " his face was turned towards me. But I didn't dare face him back. I was scared of what would happen if I did.
I think for a moment , my thoughts become jumbled and my face red from his stare. "Then ," I pause. "Then I'd say you're pretty good at hiding it."
It went quiet again. "Are we friends ?" I suddenly blurt out.
Eric laughs. Hard enough to where I felt his shoulders move against mine. After a while I begin to laugh too , "What are you laughing at ?" I say while nudging him with my elbow.
"I don't know ," he eventually gets out. "I don't know the answer to either of your questions."
"I'd say we're friends ," I say. My eyelids began to become heavy. I didn't realize how sleepy I was , or how late it had become.
Eric had mumbled something , but I was already dozing off , not being able to make out what he said.
•
I JERKED AWAKE. It was already morning , "Shit I'm gonna be late."
Today was our first day of the second stage of initiation , and I was sure I was going to be late. I began to put on my shoes as I was already dressed. I was already in the dormitory , Eric walked me back here after I fell asleep on the roof. It was late when I got back and everyone was already asleep.
The memory of last night brings a smile to my face. He's just a friend , I remind myself.
I found myself having to constantly remind myself that. I don't know why. He said himself that he didn't know if we were friends , so why did I need reminding that we were just that ? I know why. But there wasn't time to think about it.
There were other thought beginning to form in my mind , creating a bit of Anxiety in me. For starters we were doing something new today and I was nervous to find out what it's going to be. Secondly , my only two friends were hanging out with the person who hates me. I was going to be alone for the rest of initiation and maybe once I'm officially a Dauntless member. No , that's not true.
After getting my shoes on , I realize I have enough time to get breakfast. I feel my anxiety raise again when I see Harmony and Oliver sitting with Ashley and her minions. They stared at me as I walked past them.
There was only one other person I knew I could sit with to avoid being alone. I take a seat , "Good morning Eric."
I take a muffin from the center of the table. Eric looked surprised to see me , "Good morning Stevie."
Neither one of us speak while we eat. The silence from our table helps me hear what Ashley's table were saying. It was awful , really. My face went red when they mention Eric and I.
I burried my face in my hands. "I'm sorry ," I say. "I'll move to another table so they'll stop talking."
"Stevie , they're never going to stop talking." He says while glaring at their table. "You'll forever be known as the girl who fucked her leader to -"
I throw a piece of my muffin at him , laughing. "What if I don't want to be known as that girl ?"
He frowns playfully. "Would it be so bad , am I that bad ?"
"No ," I roll my eyes. "I didn't say that , I mean you're hot and all , but I don't want people to think that how I ..."
I stop talking at the sight of Eric's smirk and realize what I said. "I ... I - will you look at the time ," I glance down at my wrist. "It's been a pleasure talking to you , but I think I'm gonna be late for training."
"We still have ten minutes ," He calls out to me but I was already halfway to the door , cursing myself.
•
EVERYONE WAS GATHERED in a unfamiliar room for an unknown reason. All we were told was that we'd be called out one by one to begin the next stage of initiation. It was nerve racking , but I was trying my best to not let that show.
I had been standing for half an hour now , waiting for my turn. There was a limited amount of chairs and although I was one of the first in the room , I ended up with not chair. Ashley thought this was funny and had to announce it to everyone in the room. Oliver joined in on her taunting , but not Harmony. She just looked at me with apologetic eyes.
Being in this room gave me a lot of time to think. I began to wonder about my parents and how visiting day was coming up. I wondered if they'd come. Of course they would , but I'm not sure if it'll be for me. I also thought a lot about Eric.
I've never liked a boy before. Was this what it was like , what I was feeling ? I like spending time with him , but did he feel the same ? Did he even think I was pretty ?
My mind wandered back to the day I met him , how he called Ashley pretty and not me. A pang of jealousy went through me , then a sense of insecurity. I never really cared about my look. I always knew I wasn't pretty , but if I actually tried would I be ?
I shake the thought from my head. If anyone is going to like me , they'll have to deal with how I look.
"Stevie ," Four suddenly appears through the door way , "You're up next."
•
WORD COUNT 1122
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the heartless [e.c]
Fanfic"Love makes you feel stupid and vulnerable ... and I never want to feel that way again."