The Wolfe Hunt •Attack on Titan Fanfic•

Beautiful Creatures

My grief screams the same thing at me over and over again: "This isn't how it's supposed to be, this isn't how it's supposed to be, this isn't how it's supposed to be." Yet the world laughs and holds me by the throat: "But this is how it is."

~

The sun had long since set, casting the night over us. It was noticeably chilly, whether it was from the sunless hours or the atmosphere around us- I couldn't tell. On a normal cold night, we would welcome a fire lit and admire the stray embers flying off into the sky. But not tonight. The only fires around us were pyre's for the bodies of all our fallen comrades.

Everyone gathered around one, Lea and Leon stood next to me in between Jean, Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt on my left and Connie, Sasha, Ymir and Christa on the right along with a few other cadets. Connie was crouched on the ground, sobbing. It was the only sound heard other than the fire crackling in front of us. I couldn't feel anything. Not the heat from the flames. Not the breeze from the wind. Not the ache in my stomach from not eating even though the occasional gurgling sound told everyone around me my body was hungry. The only thing that made itself prominent to me was the weight in my chest. It made everything heavy as if the gravity on the Earth was increased by a hundred. If that weren't enough, the smell made itself prevalent.

It was horrendous. Worse, we knew it was the smell of burning bodies and bones. 'To prevent a epidemic' they said it must be done. Part of me considered flinging myself into the fire.

Jean knelt down and picked up a piece of a burnt bone. "Sorry Marco," Another nail hammered into my heart. "I don't even know which of these bones are yours anymore." My nose began to tingle and without my permission, my lips quivered. I clenched my jaw to stop it. I should have been there. I briefly shut my eyes and sighed quietly.

"And where were you, huh?!" I screamed at Jean, my throat on fire and my eyes blinded through the ocean of tears. "Aren't you his best friend?! Where were you when he needed you the most?!" I slammed my hands against Jean's chest, pushing him back. It was obvious there were several emotions going through him at once but I didn't care. "Why is a piece of shit like you alive and Marco isn't?!"

I lowered my head, feeling my eyes sting now and tears once again threatening to spill over. I'm the piece of shit for even saying that to him. I know it's not Jean's fault. I just don't understand why it was Marco. Why it had to be any of them? We were all just joking and laughing not even a few days ago. How did it all come to this? I never even got to the chance to tell him.

"Hey guys," Jean started, making me realize he stood up again. "Question for you:" He turned to face us all but I couldn't look him in the eye. "So have you decided yet? Which regiment you're gonna join? I have." I didn't have to look up directly at him to see him shaking. I didn't even understand what he was getting at right now. "It'll be rough but... Damn it, I'm gonna join the Scouts!"

Taken back by the news, I snapped my head up to see tears rolling down his face. Why? All he and Marco talked about was going to the MP for years. Why is he changing his mind now? Jean was gripping his right hand, the same one I saw him pick up the burnt bone with, and then it dawned on me. He's doing it for Marco.

A single tear managed to escape and I quickly wiped it away but to no avail. Tears started pouring out of me again and I tried to wipe them all away but instead ended up covering my face and crumbling to my knees, bawling. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and assumed it was Lea, throwing my arms around her for comfort and to hide my face better.

Only to realize it wasn't Lea holding me since she was on my left, but Leon. I was confused but I don't care enough to question him right now. Everything came back tenfold, or perhaps it never left. All my thoughts I was able to cease all came barging in like starving animals and I didn't have the strength to stop them again.