In Times of War

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Anyone else hungry? I feel like I could eat a whole cow right now.” Lee asks randomly.

“You’re always hungry. Want to hit the diner on the way home? Y’all want to come with us?” I’m about to say no when David grabs my arm and answers for me.

   “We’d love to come. I can hear Mia’s stomach from across the road.” My stomach hadn’t made a sound, and he knew it. He was sending me pointed glares and I knew he wouldn’t let me get out of eating. So we all pile into the truck. At the diner, David sits me on the inside of the booth where I can’t easily get out. We make small talk until the food arrives.

    When my sandwich is set down in front of me I feel sick to my stomach. I look at everyone else wolfing their food down. David looks at me with a look that obviously tells me to eat. I pick up the sandwich and nibble at the edge, trying not to think about the inches I was surely gaining on my waist with each small bite. I eat about a quarter of the sandwich and put it down, feeling too guilty to continue.

“Firecracker, you haven’t eaten all day, please eat.” David says aloud. Lee and Alice look up from their food and at my partially eaten sandwich.

“Mia, you’ve gotta eat more than that. Come on now.” Alice worriedly sets down her sandwich, “Are you sick, or something?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just not very hungry today.” I reply, not looking at her or anyone else.

“Then pass it over here; I’ll eat it.” Lee eyes my sandwich.

“No, she needs to eat it, at least more of it.” David insists, glaring at me.

“Okay, okay, just don’t take my head off, geez.” Lee holds his hands up in surrender.

“I’m really not that hungry, he can have it.” I try to bargain with David.

   “No, you need it. Just a little bit more, please.” I decide to humor him because I want to make him happy, especially because he was leaving tomorrow. I eat the whole sandwich just for good measure. It’s not like it’s going to be in there long. I watch Alice eat everything on her plate and then dessert and feel a pang of jealousy that she can eat that much and she never gains anything, weight or inches. I get jealous that she can look so pretty, so slim, be so smart, and get to eat anything she wants. After everyone is finished with dessert, other than me, we part ways. Alice takes Lee home and David walks with me.

“Thank you, for eating all that. I know you didn’t want to.”

“Yeah, well if you’re leaving tomorrow I want you to be happy.” I lean closer to him as we walk.

“What makes me happy is that you look healthier now, you’ve got a little of the color back in your cheeks and you don’t look so tired either.” He brushes his finger down my cheek.

“Whatever, are you ready to leave? All packed and everything?” I desperately change the subject from myself. His face falls sadly at the change of subject. I can tell he wants to talk about me eating.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“What time do you leave?” I ask as we walk towards our dock.

“Nine tomorrow morning,” he sits down on the dock and pulls me down with him.

“Wow, that’s… early.”

“Well, not everyone else in the free world sleeps all day, Firecracker.” He chuckles.

“Hey, I enjoy sleeping! It’s one of my favorite activities.”

   “I know, but you do sleep an awful lot. It’s weird…” After that we fall into a comfortable silence. I rest my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around my waist. I enjoy the peaceful water and the wonderful boy beside me. The warm air around me smells of flowers and summertime. I watch the fish try to nibble at our bare feet as they dangle in the water. Suddenly, David jumps up and practically runs down the dock. I get up too and follow him, asking him where he’s going. “Wait right here. I’ll be right back; I’ve just gotta run home and get something real quick.”

   He turns around and runs through the park. I take the opportunity to run to the bushes. I stick my finger as far down my throat as far as I can. I empty my stomach into the bushes, getting rid of all the weight-causing food in my stomach. I don’t feel bad at all about what I’m doing. I even start to feel better as the guilt lifts off my shoulders. I hear someone coming and wash my mouth out at the river and fix my hair. I climb back on the dock as David reappears through the bushes.

“Where’s this oh so important thing you had to get right now?” I ask as we sit back down at the edge of the dock, once again dangling our bare feet in the water.

“Look, um, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for… for a while… Um…” He fiddles with something in his pocket. He reeks of nervousness.

“Well, come on then, spit it out.” I giggle- something I never do- at his nerves.

“I-I told you once, but you were asleep so… Um…”

“Just stop saying ‘um’ and spit it out!” I shout.

   “I love you!” I was hoping that I’d been dreaming because that meant I wouldn’t have to acknowledge anything. When you acknowledge your feelings it means you can’t avoid them, which means they must be true. I didn’t want to be in love, it hurts to be in love. I’ve already been hurt and I don’t want to go through that again. Especially since he’s leaving tomorrow and possibly not coming back. Now I was back to hoping I was dreaming so I wouldn’t have to admit it back. The fear creeps into me and the dread of the possible pain to come.

“Well, say something.” He sounds broken and I want to stop his pain but then the fear creeps back.

“I can’t. I want to but… but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I start to get up and leave, but he grabs my hand and stands up.

“What’s wrong, Mia?” He speaks softly, gently and touches our foreheads together. I close my eyes.

“I just can’t risk getting hurt again by someone I… someone I…” I stumble over the words and groan. David’s hand smoothes some of my hair back away from our faces.

   “I promise you, I will never hurt you. I’ll come back to you, always. We’ll be fine just like we always are, okay? You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, I understand really I do. I just wanted to make sure you knew before I shipped out.” He fiddles with whatever is in his pocket again, this time pulling out a box. “I also wanted to give you this.”

   He opens the box and reveals silver heart-shaped necklace. It’s absolutely beautiful. I pull back and gasp. David smiles at my reaction and takes the necklace out of the box. I brush my fingertips over it gently. I turn around and pull my hair to the side as he clasps the necklace around my neck. I reach up and touch it again just to make sure it’s real. I turn around and face David again.

“Thank you but you really-“

“Don’t even start with that, I wanted to. Think of it as an early birthday present if you must.”

“Thank you, but this is too much, you really-“

“What did I tell you? I wanted to and Alice helped me pick it out and everything. Just tell me you like it.” His beautiful green eyes are filled with fragile hope.

   “I don’t like it, I love it.” I throw my arms around his neck and I stand on my tiptoes. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my hair. I feel him smile against my neck and I smile too. We stay on the end of that dock for hours just talking, kissing, and hugging until the sun goes down. Then he walks me to my door and leaves me with a goodnight kiss. I hope that he stays up tonight and talks to his mom. I’ve kind of been hogging him for a while.

   “Maria, I just finished supper come on in.” All the happy feelings I once had drain out of me with every step I take towards that kitchen. I sit down at the table and watch as my mother heaps food onto my plate. I look at the mashed potatoes on my plate and they look like a mountain, a mountain that I have to eat to satisfy my family. I pick up my spoon and slowly start eating in small amounts. When my mom leaves the room for a minute I take my plate and put the large amount of food that’s left back into the pot for leftovers. I don’t feel awful because I only ate a spoonful or two or potatoes, but I still feel a little guilty. I write a little in my diary then go to bed. I have no dreams.

I think that no dreams are worse than any dreams at all.