In Times of War

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Six

One week later, I’d flat out refused to eat.

   Mostly out of rebellion, partially out of really not wanting to eat. I felt like my will was about to break and like I was going to eat something. I drank a little bit of water each day, but no food. I still hadn’t gotten a letter from David and I was starting to get worried. I know that he has training and he’s probably busy, but I still wanted a letter or something to verify that he was alive. Something other than the lack of an official telegram telling me otherwise. I had called Alice and talked it out with her and, just like I thought, she wanted me to do like Doctor Tennant wanted and she also threatened me.

   Mama would go to work during the day, come and see me for an hour or two, and then she would go home to sleep. Robbie had come to visit me and had said that if I didn’t eat, he would force feed me. Doctor Tennant and the nurses had already tried that, but I would just make myself sick as soon as they left. When they wouldn’t leave I would just make myself sick in front of them. Now they were trying to think of something else. They would come in every couple of hours to try and talk me into eating but I refuse to talk to any of them.

   Mrs. Martin had even come to visit me with little Leo. Leo didn’t really understand anything about my “disorder” as they called it. Mrs. Martin told me that she hadn’t gotten a letter or anything from David, but that she knew he wouldn’t want me to do this to myself. I almost screamed at her, but I didn’t. Leo gave me a hug and told me that he would bring me a cookie. The gesture was sweet and I didn’t tell the poor boy that the idea of that cookie made me sick.

   Now I was in my hospital room, staring up at the white ceiling. My mother was sitting in the chair beside me but I wasn’t talking to her. I didn’t want to. She was always so sad and weepy when she was around me. I guess I reminded her of her sister too much. They wouldn’t allow me to have any books until I ate something. My mom had been here for an hour and she hadn’t said anything, but she now decided to speak.

   “You know they’re not going to let you be a nurse overseas if you’re like this.” I turned my head to look at her. Her eyes were red and puffy. “You have to have a clean bill of health before they’ll let you leave U.S. soil. You’ve got to eat, sweet pea.”

“Mama, we’ve been through this…”

“If you won’t listen to me, then listen to Tony.” She pulls an envelope out of her pocketbook and drops the letter in my lap. She walks out the door with her pocketbook and I rip the letter open.

August 1st 1942

Dearest Maria,

   I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your letter earlier, but I’ve been busy. I can’t tell you what with or where I am, but I’m okay, I promise. I got a letter from my mom yesterday that worried me. She said that you looked like you were just skin and bones. You promised that you would take care of yourself. You promised that you would eat, Firecracker. I just want you to be healthy. Please eat. For me, please. I want to know that you’re alright. Please tell me what’s going on. No lies.

Love,

David

   I was not skin and bones, was I? I throw the blankets off and close the door. They wouldn’t let me have a room with a door that locks. I stand in front of the full sized mirror in the corner of the room. I pull up my nightgown so I can look at my bare torso. For just a second I see a broken girl with skin stretched tightly over bones. I see skinny legs and swollen knees. I see boney arms with almost no meat on them. A stomach shrunk in grotesquely and ribs, I could see the little depression in between each and every one of them. I see shrunken cheeks and sunken eyes on a sad and broken girl’s face.