In Times of War

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

The funeral was a few days later.

   There was hardly enough left of his body to be recognizable. His legs and arms were there, and his torso with bits and pieces missing from it. His face was mangled beyond recognition. We sat with the Howells and held their hands as the flag covered coffin was lowered into the ground. We cried with them when Aunt Tess was handed a folded American flag like the flag could replace the man that was lost. I’m proud of him for fighting for our country, but I’m angry and sad that he had to die, no matter what it was for.

   The funeral was the first time I’d seen David since our first date. He’d been worried when we hadn’t come to the school, and he came around but no one let him in or talked to him. After the funeral was over, I told Mama that I was going to go for a walk. I hadn’t seen David yet and was going to walk so I could be alone, but that was not to be the case. He walked over to me and didn’t say anything he just wrapped me in a huge hug. That was all I really needed, other than for Uncle Ed to be back, a big hug and someone I could cry in front of. I hadn’t cried since the first day, I’d become very numb to everything.

   I didn’t respond to the hug like a normal person would. I had been expecting to feel like a normal person would when they are showed compassion after the death of a loved one, gratitude, fake comfort, anything but I felt nothing. David mutters the one thing that I never understood.

   “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry you have to go through this again, Firecracker.” I never understood why people would apologize for something that wasn’t their fault. It made me angry that people would apologize for the death of someone, because it never felt sincere. ‘I’m sorry’ is the standard thing everyone says, but never truly means about the death of someone. When David apologized it felt ten times more sincere as anyone else’s apologies. Probably because he actually told me why he was sorry and it wasn’t because Uncle Ed died. It wasn’t pity in his voice, like in everyone else’s apologies; it was just sadness and understanding like he knew what I was going through and wanted to help me as best he could.

   For some reason all of that made me finally break down. I just collapsed into David’s arms and he held me up. I clutched the front of his black button-down shirt like it was the only thing keeping me sane, and it might have been. I cry for the first time in days and it felt good to let it out. David held me close to him and stroked my hair while rubbing comforting circles on my back. He didn’t make any shushing noises or attempt to soothe me or quiet me, he just let me cry. I was thankful for that. Even after I’ve stopped crying he holds me close. I pull away several minutes later and see the large tearstains on the front of his shirt.

“Sorry I got your shirt all wet.” I apologize.

“Don’t worry about it. I understand.” He waves one hand around to show me that it doesn’t matter.

“Thank you for coming today. I didn’t think you would.” I tell him and start walking towards the park. David follows me and walks right beside me.

“Of course I came. I know how rough this can be and I haven’t seen either of you in a while, although I didn’t plan on next seeing you at a funeral.” He admits.

   “I wasn’t planning on him coming home in a coffin, either. It’s just that he shouldn’t have even been there. He wasn’t drafted or anything he volunteered, even though we begged him not to. He was like a second dad after mine died.” A stray tear runs down my cheek.

“I didn’t realize that y’all were really that close. How are you doing with everything, be honest?”

   “I don’t know. I feel terrible that he’s gone, selfish because I want him alive and at home, scared that Jimmy’s gonna be next, and worried because his army pay was where they got a good chunk of their income. I also feel like I’m reacting too much and that I shouldn’t feel this horribly because he wasn’t my father but I’m taking it almost as badly as Alice is.” I take a deep breath to calm myself down.