[誓願] 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 | 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘢 𝘳. 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

!tw! there is a hint of suicide in the end! i just want to put this here just in case anyone gets triggered by it! stay safe <3

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

it's been a while, y/n...
i stood there at the memorial with only a few presences, a few high school friends came to bid you farewell, but why was no one there, y/n?

where were the tears of a mother?
the cold solemn face of a father?
whines from siblings?

where was everyone?

was there something going on in the background? how had i not notice? why? why didn't i see? looking back, your eyes always had a heavy empty look. your body was spotted with scars and bruises.

how did i never notice that?! how was i so blind? i said 'i love you'. yet, i never saw through the fake persona you played.

i'm so sorry.
you deserve better.
a person that could actually look through your lies, and comfort you. giving you what you actually need.

not some other person saying 'i love you' and being a burden in your life. saying that i'll marry you after school. you didn't need that stress of marrying someone you've only known for a few months, and having to wait years after not see each other. but you agreed, even after what you've been through. was it all because you just wanted to or because you actually did feel the same?

i guess i never knew you.
i was blinded by your amazing personality, that i couldn't see you suffering.
never took a second glance because...i thought you were truly happy. at least until now, now i'm so confused. we're you actually in love with me as i was with you?

why didn't you just break down in-front me?
why didn't you hug me close as your warm tear seep into my cloth shirt.
as you pour everything onto me, and i could comfort you, saying those soft reassuring words to you.
steal your hours away from you being alone in that cold world of yours.

but instead you kept quiet
acting as if nothing was happening your weak withered world. until...until you had enough. until you took your last breath. alone.
i'm so sorry.
this is my fault.
how did i never notice.

i loved you.
but i was in love with the wrong y/n,

the fake y/n.

why didn't you show me your true self? you didn't need to hide yourself away and put up some act. there was nothing to be ashamed of. i would still love you.

remember that promise a while back?
i never forgot.
but i just thought that...why would you still love me after so long?
you were the one everyone dreamt for.
you were perfect
so why would you want someone like me?
i was lazy
a good for nothing, whose only good at volleyball.

you were smart
breath taking
you had so much to live for, but i guess you never noticed you talents huh?

that night when you came back, you acted so normal,  like you didn't care that i was holding onto another. so i truly thought...you moved on. you were always close with the twins, so i thought you finally fallen out of love.

but i guess you still were huh?
i could never see through you.
you were a hard one to read, but that was what was so intriguing about you. yet i was too late.

i'm sorry you felt this way.
i'm sorry you want to end things like this.
how long have you been falling apart? how many sad tears did you weep along at night?

i don't want it be like this.
i don't want to see an empty apartment that had your name on it.
i don't want to look through old photos of us and only see it by myself and seeing them as mere old memories.
i don't want to talk to you through some tomb stone.
i don't want to see your name craved on to it.

after years of waiting for you, you finally came back. but you left so soon.

l/n y/n what a beautiful name, one that i loved saying to myself, such a soft touch to it.

i love you, so so much y/n...

i wish you were still here. i wish i can go back in time and stop you from going on that plane, instead of watching your silhouette disappear as you walk away, my heart cracking.

if that did happen what would happen? would we be like those cliché couples holding hands where ever we go, feeding each other, and going on cute dates? i wish...but now here we are, me married to someone that i cannot love like how i love you, and l/n y/n buried under all those dirt.

you don't deserve this.
i'm sorry. please forgive me. for not noticing your pain and not doing what was supposed to be done. to marry you, we both wanted that. please, i know i'm stupid, i regret everything. i'm so sorry.

"you are an idiot. you left them for some other chic? this is all your fault. if you wouldn't have been so blind, they would be here living their life. ha your so selfish ya know that? look how pathetic you are."

i know...this is all my fault.

if only i never made that promise, things wouldn't have ended like this.
if those words i swore to never existed, maybe we would've lived happily together?
that promise probably put so much pressure on you.

i'm sorry.

maybe i wasn't meant to be with you

if only i never stepped in to your life.

things wouldn't be this way.

i'm nothing without you.

i just wasn't cut out for this world...

it's better for me to leave...