A Collection of One-Shots [Requests Open]

I Can't Make You Love Me [Kellin Quinn] for zombie_love

I guess it was bad timing when we met each other. I was going through a long stretch of loneliness. He was going through a divorce. We were both craving the touch of another person, thirsty for the attention of a living creature. We were lonely and wallowing and--I'm not going to lie--horny.

But then he'd said he wasn't ready. He couldn't bear having his heart broken again. For some reason, I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at that bitch for ripping his heart out and stomping on it until it didn't really resemble much more than a spot in his chest that was empty and devoid of anything, except his daughter.

So I let him walk away. I let the best thing that ever happened to me up and walk away, taking a part of my soul with him.

~*~*~*~　

I sat in the library, not reading or doing anything really. Just staring at one page in the book so I didn't look out of place. I just really liked the peacefulness there. You weren't allowed to talk, but that was good. No opportunity for people to say stupid things. On the other hand, all the quietness gives you plenty of time to think. That was not so good.

But thinking was all I could ever do.  I could only ever think about Copeland and him and how good it felt to feel like a family.  Or I could only ever think about him and his greatness and his voice, whenever he'd sing to me.  Or I could only ever think about how it all got started.

~*~*~*~

It was one very stupid, very drunken night. I shouldn't have even been drinking since I wasn't twenty-one, but that didn't seem to matter to Kellin as he kept handing me beer after beer. Then, he'd asked me to come with him to check on Cope because he wasn't sure he could even stand on his own. But being pretty hammered myself, we'd barely made it up the steps to the top floor alive.

But even when I tried to walk towards Copeland's room, Kellin pulled me the opposite way, towards his. In my drunken state, I wasn't one to question his actions. Maybe in the haze I'd thought that perhaps Cope had slept in his room.

He took my hand and pulled me toward his bed, which was most definitely not occupied by Copeland. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap. As I stared at him, our faces close enough to where I could feel his breath on my lips.

"Joslyn, you know I love you," he said in a low voice. "You're my best friend and I never want anything bad to happen to you."

I nodded, unsure of where he was going from there.

"And I know you've been on your own for a while," he nearly whispered. He was twirling my brown hair in his fingers, leaving the blonde layers that were underneath visible. "You've been . . . lonely."

Again, I nodded.

Then, he leaned forward so his lips were just barely touching my own as he said, "And so am I."

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips to his in a hungry kiss.

"I don't want . . . anything serious . . . I hope you know that," Kellin said between kisses.

I began to unbutton his shirt, nodding all the while. "I'm drunk right now, Kellin. I'm not going to remember any of this in the morning. You don't have to worry about me wanting more of what I won't even remember."

But I'd remembered the next morning. I'd remembered what it felt like when Kellin kissed me, touched me, loved me. And when I'd turned over to find that he was just staring at me, that he had been watching me while I'd slept . . . I'd nearly whined with frustration.

Why had I done that to myself? I'd always loved Kellin. From the moment he'd scared me when I was doing inventory, when I was still their merch girl, I had loved him. And to have a taste of his love was torture, because I knew that he would never give me any more.

And he was beautiful in the morning, his dark hair surrounding him like a messy halo. Somehow it made his crystal eyes shine brighter. I became overcome with feeling of complete and utter love towards the man lying next to me. In the moment, I thought I could wake up every day to this.

 ~*~*~*~

As I sat in the library, I thought about all the times I did get to wake up next to him. Every time he had a particularly bad day, he'd called me."Fuck, Joslyn, I need you so bad right now," he'd whisper into the phone, his voice on the edge of cracking from tears.

Whenever he called, I was always torn between wanting to protect myself and wanting to help him forget about all the shitty times, if only for a moment. I didn't want to go to him for the sheer reason that I loved him and I didn't want my heart to break. But then, because I loved him and I didn't want to see him hurt, I had to go to him. I had to make him better.

In the end, I always went. I could never say no to Kellin.

~*~*~*~

"Aw, fuck!"

The shout snapped me out of my reverie, for which I was grateful. It was four months since I'd last seen Kellin, but it still felt like he'd just stopped whatever the hell our fucked up relationship was. And thinking about him constantly was really starting to hurt.

The shout was followed by the loud cry of a baby. And, goddamn that baby sounded a lot like Cope.

No. Don't think about them. They're out of your life now.

But, still. That sounded just like her.

I slid off the hard chair and onto my feet. Peering around the bookshelf, I nearly started crying.

And, of course, it was them.

Kellin was bent over, his back to me. It looked like a box of Cheerios had exploded. He was trying to pick them up quickly before anyone saw. Copeland was standing next to him, watching as he picked up the rogue cereal, her fingers in her mouth as she cried, sad that her cereal was now no longer good.

However, when she saw me, she started bawling even more, running over to me as fast as her stubby legs would take her.

"Copeland, no!" Kellin scolded lightly, sounding exasperated.

He glanced over his shoulder to see where she had gone, and froze when he saw me standing there, Copeland on my hip, a weak smile on my face. He quickly rose and turned to face me, his eyes wide.

"Hey, Josie," he whispered.

My heart clenched when he called me his little pet name for me. I'd never liked nicknames, but I'd never cared when Kellin called me 'Josie'. Now . . . now was a whole different story.

"Please, Kellin, don't," I murmured, my voice cracking as I struggled to keep the oncoming tears at bay.

Kellin stared at me, his eyes pleading. He looked positively desperate. There were dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious he had not gotten sleep in a very long time.

"Look, Joslyn, I'm sorry," he begged. "I'm sorry that I used you like that. I'm sorry that I was such a dick. I'm sorry I couldn't love you like you deserved."

I snorted. "Couldn't or wouldn't?"

Kellin sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Katelynne fucked it all up, Joslyn. She was the love of my life, the mother of my child. And when she said she wanted a divorce . . . God, that hurt." Tears started to form in his eyes as he gripped his shirt tightly in his hands, the pain becoming almost real for him. "And then you come along, all beautiful and perfect and so good with Copeland and all the things Katelynne never was and . . . I still loved her, Joslyn. I didn't want to, but I did. I just . . . I just wanted to love you."

Tears were streaming down both of our faces as Kellin strode over to me, grasping my face in his hands. Using his thumb, he wiped the tears from my cheeks.

I knew how we must've looked. With Copeland in my arms, Kellin bent over us, we must've looked like a dysfunctional family being reunited. And, in a way, we were. I forgave Kellin because I knew that, while he couldn't love me right now, I would be there when he could.