Shades of Gold and Blue | Finnick Odair

Eleven

I didn't think I'd be as nervous as I am as I walk through the Victor's Village and towards the private beach that lies to the north. My stomach is in knots and I can't quite seem to steady my breathing.

It would seem so silly to my friends, I'm sure. They'd laugh and tell me that I'm being a baby and Max would probably throw me over his shoulder and dump me in the sea so that the whole thing was done with. But my friends weren't here, and I was glad of it. In years to come, I'd remember this moment and think of how glad I was that it was just the sea and me.

I reach the end of the village and pause as the cool stone path meets warm sand and take a deep breath. As I look up, I'm faced with the rolling waves and it's as if a switch is flipped in my mind and before I know it I'm half way across the beach and I'm standing where the sand has turned damp and dark from the tide. I reach my hand down to touch it and find myself writing my name in the damp sand. I move back in a hurry as the tide creeps back in and I watch as my name is washed away with the water, pulling the letters into its waves and beckoning me to follow them.

A smile grows on my face and I lift my foot, ready to take the plunge, but it's then that I hear a soft, quiet sound from behind me. I look around me but I can't see anything. I look down at the ocean, just barely missing my feet now and I so long to walk in and to throw myself into the water but I find myself tearing away and taking myself off in search of the sound.

I'm a few yards down the beach when the sound becomes a mix of frightened words and quiet sobs and as I approach the far end of the dunes, I see a figure crouched into a small nook almost hidden by the cliff wall. I walk over cautiously and my heart breaks as I see who it is.

"Annie?"

She doesn't look up but I see her tense and her sobs become broken as she tries to quiet herself. She tucks her legs to her chest and I think that if she could disappear into herself then she would.

Her breathing is what worries me, it's uneven and rasping as she tries to control her crying. I've been in her state plenty of times to know that at this rate, she could end up making herself sick or pass out if she carries on and that will only make her feel worse.

For the first time, I can make out what she says, "They'll take me." I look around the beach to make sure that there's no one around. I'm sure no one is actually going to take her but I figure that it's best to be certain.

I make my voice as soft as I possibly can, "Annie, I'm going to come a little closer okay?" She doesn't reply, just continues crying and muttering things in between sobs. I move closer slowly and stop an arms width away from her. "Annie, could you look at me?"

She makes a nervous sound and shakes her head, "If I look, your head might not be there."

I try to keep my voice as calm as possible, slow and steady like how my Mother used to talk to me when I was like this. What else did my Mother used to do? I remember her drawing circles on my palm to give me something to focus on but I'm not sure Annie would be entire comfortable with me touching her. I kneel down onto the dunes and draw a ring into the sand instead, "We're going to breathe Annie. Watch my finger move around the ring and copy my breathing."

I start taking deep breaths – emphasizing the noises so that she can follow along without needing to look at my face. I can see her looking at my hand and she starts to calm a little as she slows her breathing to match my own but she's clearly still upset. I don't know what's happening inside her head but I'd put money on it that whatever it is, isn't a pretty sight. She needs a distraction.

"You know when I was little, I wanted to be a mermaid. I was so desperate to be a mermaid that one day when my Ama was doing some jobs, I found some tape and some shiny green paper and I spent hours and hours cutting out tiny scales to go on my makeshift tail. I just really liked the idea of having a tail instead of legs. It took me all afternoon to wrap my legs in the tape and then to stick all of the scales on but it was so beautiful." I glance at Annie and find her breathing has calmed down, though she's not looked away from my hand tracing the ring yet so I carry on, "I had to drag myself to the bathroom with my hands because I couldn't use my legs anymore and I managed to get all the way to the tub and into the water all by myself. I spent a good hour splashing around and pretending that I was a mermaid princess swimming in the sea. Eventually my Ama found me and a very wet bathroom and I spent the rest of the day drying the floors but I didn't care because I was so happy that I had been able to spend just a little bit of time as a mermaid. When I got home from school the next day, my Daddy was waiting for me and he gave me the most beautiful crown made from shells and pearls. That was when I was six and I still have it now, he has it resized every year so that I can carry on being a mermaid princess when I feel like it." I look at Annie and see her green eyes looking back at me, "It's a silly story I know."

Her voice is quiet, "It's not."

I smile at her, "Are you okay Annie? Do you want me to take you home?"

She nods, "I don't want to be here anymore. The ocean is so loud sometimes." I stand up and she follows, we walk along the beach in a comfortable silence and I can see her looking at me in the corner of my eye.

As we move into the village once more, I find myself looking around, "I'm really sorry, I don't know which one is yours."

"It's the-"

"Annie!" We both look over to the voice and see Finnick running full speed towards us, towards Annie.

He puts both of his hands on her cheeks and checks her over as if he's scared that she's going to be physically injured in some way. "Where were you? Are you alright?"

She leans into his touch and I feel like I'm intruding, "I'm fine Finn. I met a friend."

Finnick's eyes move to me for the first time and I can see the shock in them, "A friend?"

Annie looks to me now too and she has the smallest of smiles, "I think we're friends now?"

"I think so too."

Finnick still looks astounded but lets go of Annie as Iris approaches and guides her towards one of the houses with soft words and smiles. We watch them go and only when they're both inside does either of us speak.

"She said something about my head being missing."

He looks at me and I can see the pain in his eyes, he hesitates before he speaks, "How did you calm her down?"

"I told her a story and drew circles in the sand."

"Why circles?"

"Circles don't stop, that's comforting when you're feeling disjointed and broken. Or it's comforting to me anyway."

Finnick stares at me with a look of confusion, "I'm not sure you're really from the Capitol."

My breath catches and I think for a second that maybe he knows my secret. But how could he? "What makes you say that?"

"You're too nice, you can't possibly fit in there. First you take me home and don't use the opportunity to molest me like pretty much anyone else would have done and then you look after Annie, when most people just avoid her."

"That's not being nice, that's basic human decency."

"Yeah, because so many people in the Capitol have that." He looks back to the house where Annie and Iris went, "I should go check on her."

"I might visit her tomorrow, if that's alright?"

He smiles, "I think she'd love that." He turns around and begins walking, "Oh, and thank you for the circle trick. I'll have to try that."

I walk back to the house and try and force the images in my head back, the ones that I've spent so many years repressing. 

Ten bodies hang from ropes, and my hand is on the lever.

I hope you liked this chapter! Shades of Gold and Blue is almost at one-hundred reads now and I am so grateful to everyone who has been reading. I hope you're having a wonderful day/evening wherever you are!

C