linstead | secrets hurt

written in these walls are the stories that i can't explain

May 15th
Five years, five years since Detective Erin Lindsay had walked away from her whole life. The Intelligence Unit at the Chicago Police Department still had to move on, crimes didn't stop, as much as they hoped they would. Jay Halstead's heart ached for the time Erin was gone, it still hurts now. Halstead wanted to know why she left. She hurt him, badly. Kim Burgess felt annoyed that her best friend had upped and left with even saying goodbye to anyone. Alvin Olinsky, wanted to say something to Erin, he was like a second father to her. Sadly he passed away before he had the chance. Adam Ruzek and Kevin Atwater didn't really have an opinion, of course they missed her, Erin was like a sister to them. Antonio Dawson, he missed Erin. She was like a sister to him too.

"Halstead my office now!" Voight shouted as he walked past Jay. Jay followed him into the office, "What's up Sarge?" He asked. "Well as you know there's a spot open, I wanted to know if you knew someone that would be interested in joining." Jay pondered the question for a while before answering. "I do actually but I need some time off." "Why's that?" Voight asked. "I think they might need a bit of convincing." Jay stated, knowing the person he had in mind would most likely decline the offer, but it was worth a shot anyways. "Ok take as long as you need." "Thanks Sarge." Jay exited the office, to head home and get packed to go to New York, to see the girl he called his own for several years.

"This is your captain speaking, we are now in New York City. The time of your current location is four thirty in the afternoon." Jay got up from his seat and made his way to the airplane door. He got off and went to collect his luggage, Jay only brought a small suitcase, with quite a bit of clothes crammed in. He got his suitcase and ordered an Uber.

"Stop here." Jay said to the driver. The driver pulled over and Jay passed him the money. He stepped out and took in the city feel. The skyscrapers towered over him, Halstead started to walk towards the FBI Headquarters. He assumed that's where she would be. As he was walking down the busy streets of New York, he bumbed into a lady and her little girl. "Hey, sorry." Jay said. The woman turned around, her forest green eyes sent Jay into many flashbacks. "Jay..." Her raspy voice made Jay smile. "Erin." "Umm what are you doing here?" She asked. "Here to see you actually." Jay smiled. "Well we were just heading home, do you wanna come with us?" "Uh yeah sure." Jay walked alongside Erin and the little girl, wondering who she was and what had happened since that heart-breaking day five years ago.

"This is it." Erin reached in her pocket and got out her apartment key. She unlocked the door to reveal a modern but cosy home. "Mommy can I have a snackie?" The little girl asked. "Sure but before you do go wash your hands." Erin said, the girl ran off to the bathroom. Thirty seconds later she came out, "Emilia Esmé, you couldn't have washed your hands in that time go do them again." Jay stood in awe of Erin, she's such a good mother to the girl, who he now knew was called Emilia. "You're such a good mother." He commented. "Thanks, I tried my hardest with her. It was hard with work and everything and the fact I was on my own." Erin smiled. Emilia came back in the room, "Can I have it now pleaseee?" "Yes only a piece of fruit though." Erin warned her. "Do you want a drink or something?" Erin asked Jay. "I'm good thanks." Jay said. "So what did you come here for?" Erin wondered. But before Jay has time to answer the doorbell rang. Erin goes to the door and answers, "Hi come in." She came back into the kitchen, a man followed her. "Uh this is Jay Halstead, someone from Chicago. Jay this is Tom." "Hi." Tom said. "Tommy!" Emilia came running in. "Hey little munchkin." He hugged her. Jay could only dream of this relationship with Emilia. "You left this at work." Tom handed her, her phone. "Thanks." Erin smiled. "I can see you have company so I will speak to you tomorrow." Tom said. "It was lovely meeting you Jay." He added. "You too." Jay said.

Jay couldn't help but think that this was all a mistake coming here. Coming to New York, to think that Erin would be single and not have moved on one bit. "Erin this was all a mistake. I'm going to get the next flight home and we can forget this ever happened." Jay said very quickly. He turned to leave. "Jay no stop!" Erin grabbed his hand. "I have some explaining to do." She said. Jay turned back around to face Erin. "Tom isn't my boyfriend, he's just my partner at work." Erin had tears on the verge of spilling. "I never fully moved on after you..." One tear escaped Erin's beautiful eyes, despite her efforts of trying to hold them in.

Emilia was watching this all unfold. "Hey you made my mommy sad." She stood in front of Jay, arms crossed with a scowl across her face. "Emilia go play with your toys in your room." Erin demanded. As Emilia stood glaring into Jay's eyes, he couldn't help but notice her piercing blue ones staring into his soul. Light freckles dotted her face. Apart from these features, Emilia looked like a mini copy of Erin. "Emilia now!" Erin was getting annoyed. Eventually, she ran off to her room. "Is she mi-" Erin had cut him off, "Yes Jay she's yours and I'm sorry for keeping her from you. I didn't mean to, it's just when I got to New York I found out I was pregnant and we weren't together and Hank told me to never look back. I didn't. I couldn't break your heart." "You kept her from me all these years!!" Jay was so annoyed. "Erin-" Jay didn't even know what to say. At this point, Erin was sobbing. Jay had never seen her cry this much before. "I'm sorry Jay, I didn't mean to." As much as Jay was angry with her it broke his heart to hear her cry. He pulled her in for a hug, to comfort her. "I'm sorry." Erin repeated. "I know and I'm sorry for flying off the handle. I'm not mad at you, it's just I was shocked. But we can spend every day together now as a family, if you'll take me back." Jay looked at her. "How, I live in New York, you live in Chicago?" "There's a spot open in intelligence if you'll take it." He said. "Jay I can't my whole life is here, Emilia has her school here and everything." "Just think about it ok." Jay kissed her forehead. Little did they know, Emilia was watching them the whole time. She was only four but she was so mature for her age and very intelligent.

"Where are you staying?" Erin asked Jay. "I don't know, that's a good question." He chuckled. "You can stay here, I don't have a spare bedroom but I'll sleep on the sofa." Erin offered politely. "Woah, no you're not sleeping on the sofa I will." Jay looked at her eyebrows raised. "If you insist." Erin laughed. Emilia came waddling out of her room, "Is this man staying with us?" "Yeah." Erin smiled at her daughter. "But he made you sad mommy." "I know but he's nice I promise." Erin knelt down to her daughters height. Emilia knew that when her mommy promised her something it was true. "Ok, if mommy says you're nice, you can come see my toys." Emilia said to Jay. She tried to grab Jay's hand but couldn't reach, instead she grabbed his leg. "Come on." Jay couldn't help but think that his and Erin's daughter was so much like Erin.

After hours of playing toys in Emilia's room, she was finally asleep in her bed. Erin stood in the doorway as Jay finished the story book he was reading to her. Erin was cursing herself because if she'd told Jay about Emilia this is the sight she could've been seeing every night.

Jay walked out and closed Emilia's bedroom door. "You know you've really bonded with her in the last few hours." Erin scared Jay. "I love her, I may not have been there for the first four years of her life but she's amazing and I love her with all my heart. You've done such a good job." Jay smiled at her. "I'm going to go to bed. Night Jay." Erin said. "Night Erin." Jay made his way to the couch and laid down on it. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, Jay could hear footsteps come into the living room. He slowly opens his eyes to see Erin there, "I can't sleep." She whispered. "Come here." Jay motioned next to him. Erin laid down next to him, wow had she missed sleeping next to him. Almost immediately she fell back asleep next to Jay's warm and comforting body. Jay was happy for this moment and fell asleep next to her for the first time in five years...