M'kay if you haven't read the actual story yet I don't know why you're here at the end of the book but I'm not going to shield you from spoilers. This was a page I had from my journal explaining why I decided to kill Kenta, LOOK AT MY DISCRETE ASS TITLE LOL. I just decided to publish it as an extra page here instead of in another book so it's more efficient to find :)
"Why the fuck did you kill Kenta?"
I hear that a lot^
And even when people aren't openly mad I know most of them are because why wouldn't we be right? He was such a loveable and appealing character and I, the bitch with power, went off and killed him halfway through the book.
Anyways, let's talk about it a little more thoroughly because I actually put a lot of thought into his death.
Due to the circumstances that y/n started off with, you can tell that she's extremely attached to Kenta. He is her anchor as he always has been, he's there when no one else is, and he obviously is able to empathize with her more than anyone else in the story.
Having said that, the basis of this story revolves around Inarizaki's motto "We don't need (things like) memories." Which implies the concept of moving forward and leaving things behind or in the past. Y/n is childish and selfish, she's too used to always having a second chance at things because Kenta's always there to back her up.
Everyone knows it's easy to get up when you fail the first time, but the minute you fall down again is the moment when you're like "fuck, am I just going to keep failing?" It takes more to convince yourself to get up again and keep pushing and I needed her to showcase that with Kenta's death.
So why did I kill him, instead of sending him away or something? That's a simple answer.
It's too cliche, and this is a goddamn fanfiction I didn't need it to be any more cliche than it already is.
On one hand, Kenta's death just comes to show that realistically, not even the heroine is exempt from tragedy despite her already tragic background. For example, consider how Suzanne Collins killed Katniss' sister in the Hunger Games or how Harry Potter had to watch Sirius die despite already losing both his parents. There's a little something behind the development of all well-structured characters and it's a sequence called "The Hero's Journey". This is cycle explains the rise and fall of the protagonist throughout the story from their start, to meeting the mentor, to facing the villain, and possibly even the hero's fall if it exists. One of those stages is a low point, where the hero experiences tragedy or a moment of denial or something that gets in the way of their development right before the climax and they find themselves in conflict. Only by resolving such conflict, either through physical or mental acts, can they stand up with a fresh and stronger perspective on hand.
On the other hand, he symbolizes the circle of people who couldn't make it through that low point. Realistically, trauma doesn't make you stronger. Going through awful experiences don't make you a better person, that's a decision you make for yourself. You choose to become stronger so that your trauma doesn't take away the better things in your life. Survivors and heroes aren't the same thing, and some of us just want to leave things behind, but at the same time, some of us just can't. You can find ways to cope, to null the pain, but not everybody heals and at the end of the day, some people's wounds don't close and Kenta was an example of that.
He's not weak, but compared to y/n who decided to embrace the incident with her whole heart and then let it be the catalyst to help her grow up and get stronger, Kenta made the conscious decision to not do that and that's okay. He knew that he could've followed the path that y/n took, but he didn't have the willpower to do so.
Even before I knew what his name was going to be, I knew that Kenta was meant to die. It's not because I hate him, he's my favourite OC, but for the sake of the plot, I found that his death had a far more powerful impact than y/n's or just having no death at all. Yes, I did consider killing y/n.
Kenta doesn't love y/n outside of a platonic sense, but he might've felt as though he did because similar to how y/n clung to the idea of Suna being Nakamura's reincarnation, he was hanging on to the person who Akari was a core role model to. Y/n reminded him of her, so he pushed himself to persevere and move forward because Akari had always been someone who didn't dwell on past mistakes. Kenta is to y/n what Akari was to him, someone who filled the gaps of his insecurities with unwavering trust. He was honouring her memory, their shared morals, as well as Nakamura's promise.
He worked so hard to make sure y/n could move forward because in the end, it was the one thing he couldn't do.
Kenta's nature is what I once described as "selfless for selfish reasons", and by this I refer to and imply how he's equally as attached to y/n as she is to him even if he doesn't show it. He knew exactly how she would respond to the tragic event of his upcoming death because it's likely how he would've responded to her had it been the other way around. Part of his devotion in ensuring she wouldn't break down was a process that included his own practice in getting closure and detaching himself from their bond. He needed her to let him go so that he could let go of himself.
I'm going to stray off topic for a second and add one more thing: I purposely left out the use of the words "I love you" and instead used "I promise." Why? Promises are heavily significant to y/n because Nakamura's last words to her were a promise he couldn't keep. Because of this, the words "I love you" lost weight and she developed this mindset where "saying I love you doesn't mean shit if I can't prove it."
There was one person, who in chapter 17 commented:
"She loved him with all her heart and he was ripped away from her. She will always love him and miss him but that won't keep her from moving on and opening more space in her heart to love more people."
She wasn't talking about Kenta in this comment but he still applies. Part of y/n's development is coming to accept that nobody can realistically stick by her side forever no matter how much she wants that. Kenta cares about her a lot, but he doesn't live for her. He's still his own person, and he will make decisions for himself. Yet, despite all that, she is meant to realize that even though her pillar is gone, there are still people with her who are willing to support her through anything.
She may never meet another person like Kenta in her life, but that's just what makes his character so much more unique. His death drives the plot forward while implementing y/n's and the reader's development in realizing it hurts more to hold on and then learning to face what can plainly be described as "growing pains."
Regardless of how or why, the fact remains that people come and go, that's just how life works. It can be tragic and upsetting, but sometimes you just have to accept that shit happens but what's important is that you're able to put it behind you because you'll gain nothing from spending your life mourning the things that you no longer have or the people who are no longer with you.
I hope this cleared things up :)
~ E
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