The Tough Girls Club

Chapter 19: Trying To Be Okay

The need for perfection was so strong it almost scared me. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. It had become my mantra. Everything needed to be perfect.

    Because a funeral is your last meeting with someone before they’re truly gone for good. A last chance to get their stamp of approval on something you made. And I wanted that stamp of approval from Miss Rose so badly that it almost hurt.

    I checked my bag to make sure I had everything I needed. Dress? Check. Necklace? Check. Deodorant? Check. Shoes? Check. Brush? Check. Of course, it was perfectly pointless since I had already checked it three times.

    Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. The word punctuated every step I took. It filled the house around me, echoing off the walls and back into my ears. I tried to forget that word, but it just came back to haunt me again and again and again.

    The car ride was long and dull. I usually look outside the windows during car rides, but I was starting to get queasy so I decided to stare at my lap instead. California wasn’t all that interesting anyway. My mom tried to strike up a conversation, but realizing I was feeling sick, she left me alone.  I managed to keep my eyes during the whole car ride. I had promised myself that I would not cry any time throughout the day.

    The house was an enormous beehive full of busy workers. Zoey scuttled past me with a very tangled pile of fairy lights and a hammer. Alana followed with a wheelbarrow full of white roses. The green grass was flattened in the places people had stepped numerous times.

    I walked into the backyard and surveyed my surroundings. The yard resembled a busy new york street, with everyone knowing what they had to do and everyone determined to do it as quickly as possible. I set down my bag and grabbed a bucket of pink and orange roses that was nicely labeled ‘for tables.’ I grabbed the bucket and brought it inside where I had set a nice line of blue vases last night. Then I got to work cutting off the leaves, filling the vases with water, mixing in the plant formula, putting the roses into the vases, and repeating again and again. It was a tedious job, but I decided that someone had to do it.

    Luckily, someone started playing a catchy Two Door Cinema Club song to fill the dull silence. I hummed along while I worked.

    That morning I made place cards. set tables, put roses in vases, and scattered rose petals on the deck in a nice arrangement. I was completely exhausted by the time I was done.

    It was one thirty when I went to change into my outfit. I quickly sprayed my hair with some dry shampoo and reapplied my deodorant. Then I changed into my outfit. I had picked out a black lace dress with a collar, ombre vans, a blue purse, and a necklace that had a house with balloons attached to it. I ran a brush through my hair and put it into a braid. Then, as a little finishing touch, I sprayed myself with a rose perfume. Usually I wasn’t too confident with my appearance, but I had to admit that I looked pretty good. I smiled at myself in the mirror one last time, then rushed downstairs so I would be ready when the doorbell started ringing.

    The Tough Girls Club was crammed on the couch straight across from the door. Obviously it wasn’t made for six people, because at least two people were sitting on someone else’s lap. Despite the PDA, they looked like they were fighting.