A lost slumber

XI

At 6:30 on monday I wake up and see my mother staring at me. In pure shock I ask , " W- what are you doing ?"

    " I was waiting for you to wake up." My mom.

    " That's not creepy at all," I say sarcastically.

    " I wasn't waiting that long." My mom says harshly.

    I pick up on her attitude and ask , " Why were you waiting for me to wake up?"

    My mom turns on the lamp and proceeds to sit back on my bed. She lifts something up and asks , " What is this?"

    It's a notebook , but I swear I've seen it before. Confused, I told her , " A notebook." 

    " Do you know where I found it?" My mom asks , suspiciously.

    It hits me. That's my notebook. ' But why does she have it ?' I ask myself. I can't ponder for too long so I respond with , " No I don't. Where did you find it?"

    " In your bathroom." She says , coldly.

The bathroom... I thought I sealed it completely. I thought I put the loose tile back all the way. No.. Wait on friday I didn't feel good. I skipped dinner the night before and I had a headache. I didn't have any dreams of Ezme but I wanted to check for clues one last time.

" It must be old then." I say .

" Celeste." She says strictly. She sighs, runs her palm down her face, and puts her hand on her chin.

" Yes?" I ask.

" I looked through the pages."

My heart drops to my stomach. I begin to panic but I remind myself to breathe. " Why ," I ask exhausted. I pause and my voice begins to shake as  I say , " Why would you do that?"

"When you were in the hospital , I looked for a few bathroom essentials. I saw the tile in the bathroom ceiling . It was crooked. I put it back in place but the notebook fell out." My mom says.

Hurt, I ask , " So you looked through it?"

" It doesn't matter why I looked. What matters is what's in there." My mom says.

" It's not what you think." I say desperately.

" Celeste." She says dismissing me. Making the sound of my name drag on for years , while in reality it lasts for seconds." I thought you were done with this?"

" Done with what?!" I shout. " This is something I deal with daily , but you don't believe me."

" You were doing so well." She says, disappointed. " You were doing so good , making friends, but then you go and do this?!"

" I didn't choose to be this way. I just am." I say , sadly.

She turns to me and sighs. She rubs her wrinkles with her thumb and index finger. " You aren't getting any better."

Disheartened, I ask her ." How am I supposed to get better ?"

" I thought.." She says getting choked up. " I thought we were over this."

" You won't believe me ..." I say again , with the reality of this situation becoming harsher.

She lets off a long sigh and says, " I hoped this wouldn't be the case."

" What are you talking about?" I ask.

" I just ." She says and for a brief second she pauses. " I just thought you were okay. I thought you were becoming normal."