Den Noona✅ (Reverse Harem OT7)

Forty-Three

"Jungkook made pizzas again, are you going to eat today?" Taehyung asked leaning against my door frame

He posed it as a question but I didn't really have a choice. If I said I wasn't hungry then we'd just end up arguing again and I truly didn't feel like going through that.

"Yeah" I got up from the floor and followed him to the kitchen where Jungkook and Jin already were "Hi" my voice just above a whisper

"Extra pepperoni and red onions just how you like Noona" JK sounded upbeat today. Good for him.

"Thank you" I took the pizza and pulled out a stool from the counter and began nibbling at it

"At least eat a third of it please" He whispered so that only I could hear while setting a bottle of water in front of me.

"Okay" I sat alone, silently eating the pizza which was actually very delicious. I ended up eating more than half "Thank you for the food, it was really good"

"Back to isolating yourself already?" Namjoon said entering the kitchen from upstairs, I guess he was in his bedroom

"Hello Namjoon" I gave a polite bow to everyone before turning to leave

While we didn't officially break up it wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to see my relationships with the guys was almost nonexistent. I was still their teacher on some days but outside of work I stayed to myself. No more sex, hugs, kisses, even saying I love you became a thing of the past. We were more like estranged roommates that were cordial to each other in passing, at least that's how it was with me.

They're still BTS so they found silver linings during the global pandemic. Despite not being able to tour they were still writing and composing music and performing and interacting with ARMY. They were committed. For them life was still moving forward, I was the only one that appeared to be stuck.

Summer was winding down and another cold season was right around the corner. Almost another year I've been in Korea, a place I used to love so much. A place I was in complete awe of when I first moved there, now I wanted to leave and never come back. Every day I was there when I didn't want to be only made me hate it more.

And I hated myself for feeling this way. Hated myself for pushing away seven of the most important people in my life. Hated myself for allowing darkness to engulf me and sadness to consume me. I hated myself for not telling them how much I loved them and how precious they are to me. I hated that I became numb to feeling. Some days I really wanted to, and thought I could, go up and just hug them, squeeze them and say I was sorry but all I did was push them away and they still tried. They tried talking to me and encouraging me to see my therapist but I was too far gone, at least that's how I felt. Like a lost cause, damaged goods and unworthy of anybody's love especially these amazing men.

I really wished this was all a dream, I wished I could wake up and still be in my apartment with Lisa having our weekly movie nights or making ramyeon or going out for patbingsu. I wished I would wake up with my old job and life. I didn't deserve the experiences and memories they gave me.

Every day I diligently checked for when I would be able to leave the country. As a foreign resident I was surprised at how hard it was to leave while an epidemic of the scale was happening.

As I went back to my room I heard something from Hobi's room that really shattered my heart, sounded like he and Yoongi were talking together.

"I'm afraid for her. She's so lifeless and numb and I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before she tries to hurt herself but I don't know what else we can do for her"

"You don't really think that do you? I mean I know she's severely depressed but babydoll would never cause harm to herself, she has to know that it'll get better eventually"