Do You Wonder?

(re): hurt

SPECIAL CHAPTER: hurt

[ SOME ERRORS AHEAD. I just wanted to add another scene that happened behind the lines that would help the story plot as the story progresses. By the way, this happened after the 'intimate' scene Maria witnessed inside house Fernandez <chapter 3>. Enjoy! ]

   Almost two days had passed and I still had no sign of him and I was thankful for it. The sight was almost traumatic! Him, doing as what he pleased with his woman that night had slapped me in the face. It was like saying 'you are not enough', 'you are not my type' or 'you are not even attractive. Why would I bother having you'. And it hurt my pride badly.

I mean, I knew I was ugly. Though I hoped that he wouldn't—

    With a sigh, I stood up from my bed, stretched myself out and took a bath. At least, a bath, I can give myself. Getting in the tub, thoughts swirled my mind like swirly chocolate sundaes on cones. Thoughts of what I should do to busy myself with and I want to come up with a checklist. So I did. It's just something that I made myself take note in my head so I can  jot it down later.

    After my comfortable bath, I changed into simple jeans— some that I had found in the back of the closet and made some changes. I ran the blade on my thigh, ripping the fabric slowly, creating a nice cut on the  now-ripped  jeans. I had already came to terms with what I want to do today. And here is the list:

1) go explore the casa
2) roam around the bustling streets of Wonderland
3) find random things
4) look for something I can consider as some kind of treasure
5) look for a local library or
6) buy stuff for myself
7) have fun

And I want to carry out my plan as fast as possible as I had heard from the twins that he might visit the casa soon to clear up his name.

    Thoughts— more like questions, circled my mind, like, "if he wants to clear his name, it should be to me, right? Why not tell me that he'll come to the casa? Why do I have to hear it from others?" or some others that are too negative for my liking, "he still has the guts to show up? Wow, might as well cancel everything". But I just let it slip to the back of my mind. I clearly didn't need anyone hearing me voice out my thoughts unless they want their day ruined. And I don't want to risk that. Who knows how mad people get when angry— I don't want to find out, don't ask.

    "Where are you going, dear?" I stopped as Larrie— Pa, asked me, his freshly delivered newspaper in hand. I just smiled when his eyes met mine. "Just gonna be out for a stroll. I'll be back before dinner." He just smiled and nodded. "Well, have fun but... not too much fun, though." I let out a chuckle and left the casa and took the carriage to town.

    When I got to town, my eyes immediately roamed around the colors of madness and smiled to myself. This is the noisiest part in Wonderland and I seem to be enjoying it. There were parades, tea kettles and cups for sale— ooh, some are fifty-percent off!— and some hats. Lots of assortments! From feathered, to army hats, top hats, bull caps, designed hats, crooked hats, long ones and ooh, there's too many on the list that I can't even count!

But what caught my attention was the assorted plumes inside a stationery store.

    With a smile, I walked in the store and scanned the room. Inside were antique items, some old and some really old looking. Like it gets illegal as time passes that you spend time inside the shop. When I found the plumes I've been eyeing outside, I smiled and ran my hand on the smooth feathers. I wonder which feathered creature these are from.

"Ah, that's from the big bird's garden. It's one of the best qualities, miss."

    I looked to see a handsome man— in beautiful shades of blue, smoking some kind of vape— liquid nicotine, if ever that's what they call it here. I didn't even want to know. Ew. "Well, you seem to be a face I haven't seen before. Are you a tourist?" He pried, eyeing me head to toe with interest. I fell glued to the ground when his eyes met mine. He has lovely eyes. At this point, I knew that if anything, I might be unable to speak. I was bedazzled.

But I managed. "Ah, yes. I mean, you could say it like that, yes."

    I cringed at my tone of speaking. Ew, I sounded soo flirty and I dislike it so much. He just sighed and let the smoke out of his nose making me sneeze. "Ah, my bad. Anyways, can I know your name?" I wasn't sure if it was right to tell my name— so I told him a name. My name. "It's Maria."

    "Strange. Just Maria?" I nodded. "Just Maria." I even confirmed and he stilled. "Is there anything wrong?" He just shook his head and smiled at me slightly. "Absolutely nothing. But, do you know your name's history?" Now I'm curious. I wanted to know why I was named Maria, so I nodded.

"Here, take this. This will help you in the future. You'll be needing it."

    I was about to pry more until someone came in the shop, teeth chattering, eyes roaming around restlessly until they had met mine. "Why, who is this, Bleu?" He said, his nose twitching as his incissors showed when he spoke. Bleu calmy blew on his pipe before answering. "A tourist, Chronus. Just Maria." I met his eyes and sensed the warning on them so I bid my goodbye.

As I went outside, I checked items in my list and placed an asterisk on each number.

1) go explore the casa
2) roam around the bustling streets of Wonderland *
3) find random things * (given to me)
4) look for something I can consider as some kind of treasure
5) look for a local library or
6) buy stuff for myself
7) have fun

   I have checked two out already. And now I want to look for a lbrary. I need a book that I can read that I cannot find inside the Casa. I asked around, one was kind enough to point it through and it was just nearby.

   When I went inside, the scent of dust and old paper filled my nose. The shelves— they were larger than the ones in the casa— reaches the ceilings and lots of ladders were on each shelf. I don't really know what I am looking for here, but I want a book so I roamed around the large shelves filled with dusty books until one caught my eye:

How to survive in Wonderland by Alicia