The Secrets We Keep [Spencer Reid x Reader 18+] || ✔️

Meant To Be?

You thought about it. You really did. Did you even have a right to be angry with him? He did all of this to make a better life for you. A better future and it back fired.

"I cant, Reid. I just cant. Not yet. You lied. You want me to put all my trust in you, but you cant even do that for me." The sadness in his eyes almost made you take back your words. But you didn't. You couldn't. Not this time. He needed to prove just how much he 'loved' you, if he wanted you back.

His hands dropped to his sides, freeing you from his embrace. Tears rolled down his face as you turned, walking to climb into the SUV. It hurt you to no end to once again, walk away from the man you loved. But he did this. Not you.

Spencers POV

Watching her walk away from me, again, sucked. It felt like someone ripped a hole in my chest and crushed my heart. But at the same time, I understood. I understood her frustration. I understood her mistrust in me. I messed up. I did it. And then I went and tried to hook up with Austin and she heard. She heard everything. If only she knew.

If only she knew why I couldn't go through with it. If only she knew what those gems were for in the safe. If only she knew how much I fucking love her. How the only thing that kept me alive during my kidnapping was her. The memories of her. I thought about her smile endlessly. I thought about what it would be like to be reunified with her. Unfortunately that didn't go as planned.

And so I stood there, tears falling down my face, as I watched her leave in the SUV. I didn't know how to get her back. How does one renew the trust of another? I though through every single thing I had ever read or studied. And I came up empty. So it looked like I'd be left to my own devices. I wiped my face as I heard foot steps come from behind me.

"You okay?" Morgan asked as he pulled me in for a hug. I just stood there.

"I really fucked up this time." I muttered into his shoulder.

He pulled back looking at me sternly. "You have to prove your worth. No more lies. Prove to her you can be everything she needs to you to be."

I nodded. "I'll be right back. I'll meet you at the station."

Emily nodded and got in the vehicle, the rest of the team following behind her.

I walked in the opposite direction. I saw a small bakery on our way in, not far from the hotel we were staying in. I mindlessly walked towards it, my mind over run with all the ways I was going to prove myself to her.

I pulled the glass doors open and walked inside. I was instantly assaulted by the smell of fresh baked goods. A sweet old lady was behind the counter. She greeted me with the sweetest smile imaginable.

"Good morning hunny. What can I do for you?" She drawled; her old southern accent thick with class. The kind you don't hear much anymore.

I smiled back at her, "I am trying to impress a girl. So I figured I'd buy her some pastries. She loves pastries." I smiled harder at the memory.

"Well, you've come to the right place! All of our cookies, cakes etc, are homemade. We make them fresh daily, and whatever we don't sell, gets donated."

I looked around the glass cases, pointing out all the things I knew she would like. A few cookies, some m&m, some double chocolate with chocolate chips. I also picked out some pieces of chocolate cake, her favorite. Some cannoli's, lemon tarts, and a few other things for the team so they wouldn't feel left out.

The old lady wrapped them up in a pretty box with a bow. "She's one lucky girl." She said as I swiped my card.

"No. I'm one lucky guy."

And with that I grabbed the boxes and headed out the door, thanking her as I went. Next, I passed a Starbucks and decided to stop and pick her up her favorite coffee as well. After I grabbed that, I made my way to the station, which also wasn't too far from where we were staying.

I waltzed in with a smile plastered on my face, trying to hide the nerves the threatened to swallow me whole. Everyone was in the conference room we were given to work in. I sighed and made my way in.

"Hi guys. Did I miss anything?" I asked setting down the boxes. Y/N looked at me with a curious expression.

"Nothing. Just going over what we already know." JJ said eyeing the boxes.

I walked over to where y/n was sitting, placing her coffee in front of her. "Here I got this for you. These pastries are for you as well, theres a lot so feel free to share if you want." I kissed the top of her head, she didn't pull away, which I took as a good sign.

I sat down looking at her face, she had a small blush forming on her cheeks. A small smile also plastered on her face.

"There is some for you guys too." I muttered as I slid the box towards them. JJ was the first to dive in grabbing a lemon square.

"Thanks Spence. These are so good." She said through a mouthful of food.

Derek patted me on the back as he sat next to me. Y/N still hadn't eaten anything, instead starring into the box. She slowly lifted her eyes. They met mine and hers were filled slightly with tears. But she didn't let them fall. I smiled at her, pretending I didn't see them.

"I love you." I muttered just low enough for only her to hear me. But she didn't respond. She only nodded. It wasn't what I wanted but it was a start.