It started with a carousel

I've laughed with him.
I've cried with him.
I've been hurt by him.
But this time I hurt him.
I hurt him badly.
It wasn't my intention. I didn't mean to say the works that came out of my mouth.
It was a fucked up thing to say. He was being abused and I basically laughed in his face about it. I could have helped him. But I laughed.
Ryan was the only one who made me feel special and like I didn't need to hide who I really was.
I blew the chances that I ever had with him.
I called him and texted him.

No reply.

Why would he reply to you? You hurt him. You did.

I decided to drive to his house. It wasn't that far. I mean I don't know why he would want to see me.

I hurt his feelings.

When I got there his dads car was nowhere to be seen. His car was here.

I pulled around the house so he couldn't see the car if he did show up. I got out and walked up the steps.

I went inside and it was dark and cold inside.

" Ryan?" I yelled out.

Nobody answered. I shut the door and looked around.

"Ryan?"

I walked up the steps to his room. When I opened up the door my heard dropped. Ryan was lying on the floor lifeless and a bottle of pills was in his hand.

I got down beside him. " No Ryan! Ryan come on baby. Look at me."

I shook him. " Ryan! Please wake up!"

I looked around and found a note setting beside him.

Launa,

If you see this just know I love you. I really do. Ive had this good feeling about you ever since I met you. Remember the carousel? Ha. You looked so frightened when it first started. It was funny. From then on you made me the happiest person ever. That's why I always wanted to hang out. Cause I liked you. I can't explain the leavings. I guess I was nervous and freaked out. I really love you.
Ryan

The tears came pouring out of my eyes and I put my hand over my mouth.

I called 911 and layed beside him.

~~~~

The carousel where we first met was still up. It was the only thing up. Everything else was taken down. I remember exactly the first time we met here.

"You're a new face." He said.

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

It wasn't much but he made me feel different ways that day.

It was my fault he was gone. I fucked up. I had to live with the consequences of what I said.

"Launa?" I turned to see Rachel and Lina walking toward me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as they fell.

" What are you doing here? We heard about Ryan and we wanted to make sure you was okay." They said.

I smiled. " Yeah I'm good. I just.. this is where it all started. We met right on these ponies."

I pointed at the one I was on and the one beside me.

" It started with a carousel and it ends with a carousel." I said.