butterflies {a Ymir x reader fanfic}

a surprise party (Y/N's pov)

TW: self harm

we had been at the pool all day, and i had enjoyed it much more than i thought i would. of course, i was already friends with Ymir, but Reiner and Berthold seemed like really nice guys. (i think they're dating but i'm not really sure)

it was getting dark now though, so i suggested that we started heading back. Ymir looked against this idea "erm..let's stay a little longer, 'kay?" the other two awkwardly agreed so i just went along with it. i was starting to get suspicious when two or three students came into the pool..then a couple more, then a few more after that. what was going on? i started getting worried and turned to Ymir. she smiled at me happily and said "there's a party here tonight, to celebrate the first Saturday back"
"a-a party?" i asked, getting panicked
"yeah!" she said, as more and more students started to gather round the pool, laughing and smiling.

"Ymir..i-" i was starting to feel sick. there were way too many people here. Berthold noticed this and pointed it out to Ymir, but she said something about "it's good for her" i couldn't really hear over the increasing noise.

Ymir came up to me and said "have fun 'kay?" i turned to look at her "we're gonna be over there with some of our classmates" she pointed towards a group of eighteen or nineteen year olds and gave me a pat on the shoulder. then she was gone. i didn't know what to do. what was going on? it was dark now but there were flashing lights and loud music playing somewhere in the distance. i felt overwhelmed. students were swarming all around me, jumping into the pool, pushing past to get drinks. it was loud. too loud. then suddenly everything froze. the once bustling crowd was now moving slowly enough for me to see them blink. i could hear my own breathing. i could see peoples smiling faces. looking at me. shouting. laughing. i started to sway.

no. i couldn't pass out here. not in front of everyone. suddenly, i caught sight of a familiar brown ponytail, moving through the swarm. i felt a rush of relief: everything would be fine once i got to Ymir. everything..would..be...fine......

darkness.

i awoke to the sound of hushed voices talking somewhere nearby. "Y...Ymir?" my voice sounded quieter than usual. the freckled face moved into view and the hushed talking stopped. i sat up; my head hurt and i felt numb. Reiner and Berthold were there too, all three of them sat around my bed. Ymir spoke in a soft, comforting voice "hey..how're you feeling?"
"..huh.?"
"you passed out last night..i think the party was a bit too much for you" my brain was functioning slower than usual..what was she talking about? suddenly i remembered. the blinding bright lights, the deafening sounds, the fear i felt when i didn't reach Ymir in time. all of it came rushing back. i started to shake.

"woah..it's okay" said Ymir. she looked around at the guys for help, Berthold came forward. "hey.." he said, placing a hand on my shoulder. i couldn't control it. i was now shaking uncontrollably "i..i'm...sorry.." i managed to get out through sobs.
"shhhh" he said comfortingly. it was no use. i was now crying, trying to hide my face from the rest of them. why did this have to happen to me? no one else passes out at parties and then cries about it..i'm so pathetic.

after managing to somewhat calm me down, Berthold stepped back. they all looked concerned. i hated this.

Ymir spoke next "listen..i'm really sorry but we all have jobs to go to" she was twisting her hands and looked like she didn't want to leave me. "if you want i could.."

"no" i surprised myself and the others. "i mean..thank you. please go. i'm fine..i promise"
"really?" asked Ymir
"yes" she still looked reluctant to leave, but i was adamant about not receiving any more of their sympathy.

once i could no longer hear their footsteps outside the door, i got up and crossed the room over to where my school bag was. tears were falling down my face as i rummaged through my pencil case and withdrew a pencil sharpener. i held the blade up to the light and examined it, then brought it down to my wrists.

hi :3 sorry that it's short,, please give any feedback :))