Addicted to You

18

TW: self harm? (scratching)

Spencer took the next few days off of work to take care of Atticus, despite her protests. She secretly thoroughly enjoyed being babied by him but she would never admit to it. The first two days back at her apartment proved to be quite difficult, she barely ate, her moods were unstable, and Spencer could barely get her to sleep. On top of that, every time she did start to fall asleep she would wake up hyperventilating with tears streaming down her face. Att had usually already locked herself in the bathroom before Spencer noticed, keeping up her vow of never crying in front of anyone.

It was around 6:30 AM when Reid had noticed that Atticus was no longer in bed next to him. Just as he had suspected, she was sitting on the balcony as the night sky barely began to lighten.

Cried myself to sleep that night

I haven't

Wrapped my head around it

Maybe I should think about, your hands on my sides

My shirt lost to blood

When I turned around and said,

I can't believe you love

Me.

Her voice was slightly shaky from shivering, it was 45 degrees out and she was wearing just some sweats and a t-shirt. Spencer grabbed a blanket off the bed before he stepped outside and wrapped it around her.

"What time did you fall asleep?", he kissed her temple, noticing the dark circles around her eyes as his large hands rubbed her arms in an attempt to help warm her up.

"I didn't", she pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. Att started to push her palm against her left eye again.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing", she sighed and wiped her hand across her eye before dropping it back in her lap.

"Come back in and try to get some sleep, ok?", she dropped her head in a playful annoyance.

Reid rolled his eyes innocently in response, "At least come back inside, you're freezing.", he held his hand out to help her up. She reluctantly took it, he pulled her up and wrapped her into a tight embrace. They climbed back into bed and Atti winced as she turned onto her side.

"Baby, please just take the pain meds."

"No."

"Please", Spencer tucked her hair behind her ear, "I'll keep track of them so--"

"I said, no. You don't understand, I'm sneaky and manipulative, and a damn good liar which are all the reasons I think--", Att stopped herself, and her expression fell.

"You think what?"

She shook her head quickly as if erasing the thoughts, "Nothing. My point is even if you think you've hidden them in a place I'll never find them, I always will. So, no I'm not taking them", she wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her face in the crook of his neck, "So, please just stop asking".

He sighed deeply, "Ok".

Atticus was able to sleep for about an hour before waking up in the same, familiar pool of tears. Spencer jolted awake to the sound of glass shattering in the bathroom.

"Oh, fuck!", Att screamed from behind the door looking at the shards of glass that were poking out of her knuckles. She began scratching her wrist (with her hand that wasn't covered in glass), digging her nails deeper with each motion, as she tried to catch her breath. Reid busted through the door and his jaw dropped as he saw the shards of mirror that were spread across the counter and in the sink.

His focus turned to Atticus, "Hey, stop! What are you doing?--Stop!", he struggled for a bit but was able to pull her hand away from her wrist, which was now bright red with a few stripes of blood. Spencer grabbed her first-aid kit and sat her back down on the bed. Att watched as he wrapped basically her entire arm in gauze.

"Went a little overboard, don't ya think?"

"I could ask you the same thing.", he replied with worry lacing his tone.

She sighed deeply, "I'm fine, don't worry."

"No, Atti. You're not fine. That--", he motioned back towards the bathroom, "is not 'fine'. You are not fine. Not physically. Not emotionally."

"You don't know that."

"Yes! I do. And you know how? Because you change the way you walk, your voice sounds smaller and you have this--kind of--glint of...suffering in your eyes. And you try to hide it by smiling when you look at me, but it's still there. I just--wanna know how you're feeling, so I can make it better."

Attici started to rub her eye again before taking another deep breath, "Spencer, you may be a genius but that doesn't mean you're always going to have a solution for everything. Especially when it comes to me. I know that you love me, and you just wanna help despite the fact that I've kinda been an asshole to you this whole time", she laughed a little, "I'm sorry that I'm not making any of this easy. And since you're so up my fucking ass about the pain meds, the only reason I'm not taking them is because I know if I do, I'm gonna fall right back down the bottomless pit of addiction. I mean, to be honest...part of the reason I'm so moody all the time is because--all I can think about all day is fucking coke! And clearly", she too motioned to the bathroom, "it's starting to drive me a little insane. It should get better soon anway, the anit-depressants could kick in any day now.", she giggled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"When'd you start taking those again?"

"Couple weeks ago."

Spencer sat down next to, caressing her cheek as he kissed her softly. She pulled away and rested her forehead against his with a small smile, "I love you", Atti whispered, still kind of shy.

"I love you more", he gave her a few more kisses and she giggled.
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song: Favoritism- Clairo
(i changed a few of the lyrics to fit the story better tho)