Why Am I Here? - Sapnap/ Dream x OC

Prologue

"Oh Dreeeaammm," George says as he, Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound, and BadBoyHalo ran across my phone screen trying their hardest to kill Dream during his latest Manhunt video.

"Leave me alone!" Dream proclaims as he somehow ran much faster than the rest of the crew. This alway happened. Every single time he'd done a Manhunt, Dream always somehow ended up running faster than the hunters. Didn't matter if it was 1v1 or 4v1, he out smarted them the majority of the time. I admired him for that.

My eyes were so dry, practically like the desert. I had been binging The Dream Team's streams pretty much all day today. That's all I did for the past month actually. It was the one thing that kept my mind off anything worth worrying about, school, finding a job, etc. My worries evaporated when I watched their streams.

I also mainly watched them to avoid having to go to sleep. Every night I stared at my popcorn ceiling thinking about how I'd done nothing and I wasted the whole day, the side effects of being an overthinker. I stared for at least an hour until my body finally caved into my desperate wishes for a recharge, only to wake up the next day and do nothing all over again. I felt pathetic.

It was absolute torture.

I had been like this ever since I was little. I was never diagnosed with insomnia or anything, but from as long as I could remember I always had the worst time trying to get to sleep. My dad was an insomniac too. When I was a little girl, I stayed up all night with him watching TV and I as got older 12 turned into 1, and 1 turned into 2. 2 into 3. My mother was a morning person however. My parents were polar opposites.

I'm convinced that was why they got a divorce. My dad was cynical and skeptical and grounded, as where my mom was free spirited and forgiving and trusting. I'm pretty sure that when my parents were first together they were completely in love and that their opposite natures balanced each other, but as time went on their love became resentment and at one point they both couldn't take it anymore.

On my 14th birthday my mom had left us. I detested my birthday ever since. 

I lived with my dad because of school, but saw my mom on the weekends. All four years of high school were switching back and forth between houses, I think that's why I was so ready for college. I could finally be in one place, a place of my own. Have the consistency I so desperately longed for. It really was quite the change of pace when I got here, it was the stability I needed. 

Although, the constant relaxation of being able to stay home was somehow more unnerving. I took the majority of my classes online and I had only decided to move into a dorm because I had to take a few classes in person. It was a good decision, I knew it was. I was going to move out anyways but my dad suggested I stay on campus, he knew I avoided human contact at all costs, but said I would be better off at least rooming with someone. Plus It was cheaper. 

I was an "intense introvert". At least that's what my mom had told me when I was little. I had always stressed out about things too much and was nervous all the time when I was younger. I still am. 

I hated being an overthinker, it sucked. I would contemplate things and let them mull over in my mind until my temples would throb. 

I wasn't every scared of being lonely though, a skill which most people would kill to have. I was always content with myself because my head was never empty. I always had something to think about. In reality I was never alone, I would be comforted by my thoughts until the end of time. It was truly a gift to feel content while being alone. Or maybe a curse. Who knew.

I got some pretty scary thoughts to be quite honest and as hauntingly beautiful as it was, I desperately wished they would go away. My mind was tormented, nightmares waiting to be released from my brain. Every single night though, I recycled the same thoughts, until I felt like my brain bleed and my chest set on fire. Stuff along the lines of "What would happen if I... What if I..." I'll let you figure out the rest of those sentences. For as long as I remember, I always fell asleep to the same thought. Every night. 

From the time I was born to even now, I thought this before drifting into oblivion I called a subconscious dream state. I slowly relinquished my willpower to the unknown forces of the nightmares locked in my brain that would terrorize me that night, if you could call 4 a.m. night anyway. I finally shake back into reality after this long string of thoughts and I closed my eyes to stare at the nothingness behind my eyelids. The last sentence being one exhausted of thought.

"Why am I here?"