Fate Brought Us Together // on hold

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 20: 𝐻𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑦...

Josephine Langford.

I'm so mentally drained and it's all because of last night, I can't believe I yelled that to Hero in front of all those creepy mans. My past haunts me, I may not seem to be scared and also not for men but I am, a specially those filthy gang members, also my past. It's just something I don't like to talk about, I hate my past and there for I hate myself. I've been lying in Hero's bed for quite a while now, I think it's been three hours, if it wasn't for his arms that are wrapped around me like he could lose me, I would have been the cowered I am and went away from here. I felt when he came to bed, I took a quick glance and it's was five AM that wasn't so 'soon' from the time he said he will back but I couldn't bare to make a sentence I couldn't even have my eyes open for much longer. Hero slowly turns abs stirs and opens his eyes, al tho I normally look at him when he wakes up I keep looking at the ceiling like it's the most important thing in the world. In my eye corner I can see he is worried, I really don't know how to feel about this. He's been staring at me for like five minutes and it's making me uncomfortable.
"Jo-" I don't want to hear him so I cut him of by telling my story.

"Once I had a boyfriend, you know my 'partner' uhmm... like I am with you I told him to keep us a secret cause he would be a dead man walking and I didn't want that cause I thought I was madly in love with him, well he wasn't careful enough about keeping 'us' a secret and my father found out. One night I heard noises in the house and I was scared, I was so scared Hero. I slowly walked to the muffled voices and pleadings from my 'boyfriend' then I saw him his face under blood from the hits and kicks my father gave him, I was crying historically and my father kept yelling that I'm not worth it to have a boyfriend, he fat shamed me and called me names and shit. Long story short he forced me to kill him that night or it would be me and him both death." I finish without crying, I mean it happened it's over the only thing I'm so scared of is that it will happen with Hero. I turn to the side we're Hero looks hurt, devastated and also angry, I want us to talk like a couple, I want him to share his feeling too, i caresses his cheek. "Want to tell me whats in you'r mind?" I ask quietly

"You said, that he was you'r partner too, like am I the same to you, are you just thinking you like me? And w-why are you think you just liked him maybe you loved him?" He's worrying and I understand, I feel sorry for him, I pulled him in this mess of my life.

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?" He snaps turning his head to me.

"For pulling you in this mess, Hero it's never going to stop it will always continue and it will drag me down and I'm selfish enough to drag you down with me."

"So do it, drag me down with you, but Josephine know that you are my first true love, I will follow you every where you go, I will do everything for you and this is going to stop, I have a plan just wait babygirl." He kisses my temple and pulls me in his arms, my head in his hard chest. It hurts me that he has the need to tell me I was his first love cause he thinks he isn't mine.

"Hero," I ask after a while, but he doesn't respond he nods, I look up and see a few tears rolling down his cheek, he has never cried in front of me before, not even sure if he has ever cried since I've met him. I straddle his waist and move my head closer and kiss his tears away, "what wrong?"

"It's just-" he stops cause of his cracked voice, I don't think he cried so much, he also isn't that good in communication so it's hard for him to explain his feelings.

"Hero its Okey to cry, you know I won't judge you, I love you and just so you know, you are nothing like him you are my future and he was just an asshole who I thought I loved at the moment, you are my first love and I want to keep it this way, like you told me a future, but you need to share feelings, so please Hero just let it out, I will never judge you," I tell him this with every love u have for him and that is like everything I have, I mean it I won't ever judge if, and I won't ever leave him only if he gives me a reason that is unforgivable. Before I know it his hands are around me waist, his face in the crook of my neck and I feel his hot tears fall in my neck, I feel so bad for him, I don't know why he is this closer about his feelings but I do feel sorry. "Want to tell me what's wrong?" He nods slowly in my neck but he never moves.