The Bad Girl, The Bullet & The New Beginning (on-going)

15 ~ More Than I Was

When Lila slammed the door behind her, the full force of the day's events hit her like a gale-force wind. She sunk down to the ground with her back against the door, closing her eyes and replaying the scenes in her head. She could practically hear the blood pounding in her ears as her anger still bubbled away, remembering how Principal Franklin and Aunt Penny had dissected her like a diseased rat while she sat there in silence.

It had been frustrating and humiliating. It made her feel powerless. Just thinking about it, she could feel her pulse rising and her breaths getting faster and shallower until she grabbed one of the pillows lying beside her and threw it against the wall with all her might. It gently slapped the plaster and slid to the ground pathetically, but at least it had given her a sense of release.

She knew she'd flipped out on Aunt Penny in the car at the mention of her mom, but she couldn't help it. It was quickly becoming an instant trigger for her temper and she'd been so blinded by anger that she'd just bitten her head off without really thinking about it. After all, Aunt Penny was the one who'd saved her from getting expelled.

Lila was just so sick of feeling like she was being judged for something her mom had done before she was even born. And not just anything, but the actions that had provoked all this disapproval was her decision to have Lila and to try to give her a stable home. She knew that she and her mom had been having their difficulties with each other in the last few months, but at the end of the day she was infinitely proud of her for all the hard work and courage that she'd put into raising her daughter. Lila was almost certain that if Penny, or Jon, or even Principal Franklin had been in that position, they wouldn't have lasted three days, let alone 18 years.

She took a deep breath and pushed herself up off the floor, feeling a little more level-headed now. As she moved to sit on the edge of her bed, she considered what her options were from here. Penny had negotiated for a week's suspension instead of expulsion – something that she should have been happy about, but somehow she felt a little disappointed. She realised that part of her had actually been looking forward to going home, back to her familiar life with her old friends where everyone knew her as just plain-old-Lila, not some rebellious-celebrity-student who left a trail of madness wherever she went. Not to mention that if she went back to Larson High, Franklin was sure to be watching her like a hawk, waiting for the slightest slip-up from her to use as an excuse to kick her out. She probably wouldn't last more than two weeks.

So that was it. Time to go home. A satisfied smile spread across Lila's face and a sense of relief swept over her. She could leave this whole mess behind her and shake it off like a bad dream. Even facing the trial of her ex-boyfriend seemed easier than trying to fit in in this place any longer.

She pulled her cellphone out of her jacket pocket and typed her mom's number in. It made sense that if she was coming home, she might as well let her mom know before she just turned up on the doorstep. With the digits in front of her, she paused for a moment, asking herself if she was really ready for this and remembering that night not long ago that she'd wanted to do the same thing but not had the courage. The answer resounded in her mind, clearer than ever: it was time.

She pressed the call button and listened to the phone ring with baited breath, counting the seconds as they passed. She'd reached four when her mom picked up.

"Lila, honey? What's going on? Is everything alright?" she heard her mom's voice ask with concern. She felt like a weight of lead had sunk through her stomach at the idea that her mom only expected her to call when something was wrong. Not that she could blame her after all the fights they'd had, and the fact that this was the first time in a month that she'd called home.