And then there was light

It's Getting Hot In Here

Nate stands in the doorway wearing a light blue t shirt with some dark jeans. His hair is messy, but it does not take anything from his look at all, in fact it makes the whole outfit look better. My breath catches in my throat for some reason and I can't seem to inhale and exhale like a normal human being anymore. Oh my god, what is wrong with me? Before I know it, I am brought back to reality.

"Earth to Jasmine," Nate says waving his hand in my face.

"Oh sorry," I say with flushed cheeks, clearly embarrassed by the fact that I was literally staring at him. Way to go, Jaz.

"Look I know I'm hot, but you gotta keep it together," he says as he lets me in. I roll my eyes as I close the door behind me.

"Get over yourself. I'm just- I'm just tired, that's all."

"Uh huh, ok, whatever you say. So want to get to it?"

"Yeah."

We work for a little bit, and soon, we both start to grow hungry.

"Hey, so do you want to get something to eat?" I ask.

"Actually, I was thinking I could cook something for us here." He suggests, catching me by surprise.

"Oh I didn't know you can cook," I say flirtatiously to let him think this is a turn on.

"Yeah, well too bad you don't like me anymore, otherwise you could have all this," he gestures to his body and his kitchen.

I put on a sad face to mock him, causing him to shake his head and chuckle.

"So what will you be cooking for me Chef Taylor?"

"Hmm, I like the sound of that. I will be making us some raviolis and some pasta," he says in what seems to be a French accent.

"Ok, well, tell me when it's ready, in the meantime, I'll be laying on your extremely soft sofa."

I end up falling asleep on his couch for what seems to be forever, but when I wake up, I see it has only been 15 minutes.

"Hey, sleepyhead, it's time to eat," he says in a motherly tone.

"Okie," I say as I walk over to the bathroom to wash my hands. I comb out my unruly hair and then make my way back into the kitchen where there is a little table with two seats.

We start eating, and oh, how he knows how to cook. I can't seem to hide my satisfaction with his food, which he would normally use to his advantage, but today something is just...different.

"You know, my brother is the one who taught me how to cook like this. He's about 6 years older than I am and he recently got married," he says with distant eyes.

"You say that like it's a bad thing..."

"Well, it's not, I mean I'm happy for him, it's just, he's always been there for me. My parents were never around, but my brother was always there. Now that's he's got a wife, I just feel kind of lonely now."

"Well, you're not alone. You got me, as a friend I mean," I stutter to clarify what I meant. He chuckles.

"Yeah, I guess I do. You know, I'm really glad you're here, like in the same university as I am. Like I literally don't know anyone else. I was always just used to others coming to me and asking me to be their friend, you know?"

"No, but I do get lonely and feel like there is only one person who really cares about who I  are as a person."

"Oh, your parents weren't around either?"

"No they were, but they just- they just weren't perfect. You know, they wouldn't know to hug me when I needed it, they didn't know how to comfort me when I had my panic attacks, hell I didn't either, but most of all, when I came out to them as bi, they didn't know what to say to me..." My eyes water as I remember that night when I told them I liked a girl. It was in 7th grade and I was just getting over Nate because he had a girlfriend back then, and I just wanted to tell them about it. Be honest with them. I was aware they were coming from a different generation and a different background, but I just wanted them to love me for who I am.

"Umm, can I go to the restroom real quick?" I walk over to the restroom as normal as possible which isn't too hard considering I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. God I don't know why I just said all that to him. I mean yeah I knew him for a long time, but it just feels so...I don't know, depressing. My breathing is escalating more and more and I am tapping on my wrists, but it's just not working. Tears are running down my face as I count down from 100, and I try to slow down my breathing.

"95, 94, 93, 92, 91, 90..."

I open my eyes to see Nate sitting next to me rubbing my back and counting with me. My breathing has slowed down faster than usual.

"How did you know what to do?"

"My brother had panic attacks too, but you seem like you have done this for a long time now,"

"I have actually, but it's nothing you need to worry about. I'm fine, I just have these episodes, especially when I think about my family."

"You love them, even though they don't?"

"No, they do, it's just they sometimes don't know how to show it, that's all."

"I see, but hey, if you ever need someone to hug you, or be there with you when you're going through something, you know who to call."

"Yeah, for sure," I smile at him gratefully.

He points his fingers at himself with a caring grin on his face. 

"Ok Nate," I say as I roll my eyes for the millionth time since I've seen him here. Although I do consider it. It would be nice to have a friend like Nate. He is a really good friend once you get to know him. Although I get the feeling that Nate didn't have many friends that knew him like that back in high school. They missed out.

We talk for a little longer until it gets late. I head back to my dorm around midnight. When I lay in bed that night, I'm wearing a smile on my face.

I hope that happens more often.

Hey guys! This is a bit of a long chapter, but I hope y'all like it:)