It Gets Dark

9:41am

i dont want to talk lately.
seeing people terrifies me and i dont know how im supposed to fix it
im always scared they are gonna leave
just like he did.
i need him now more than ever
i dont want to talk to anybody, listen to anybody.
am i a bad person?
do i lie to much?
fake my "i love you"'s to much?
i dont know anymore really
all i know is i want to be in bed, with him, safe
but i dont have him anymore
i really miss him
and it seems hes all i write about sometimes
im truly sorry for that.
but its like no human has ever stood as close to my soul and heart as he did, he was basically the reason my heart beat.
now it just seems like a little drum whos getting worn out and tired.
maybe thats all i am.
i really need a hug today,
can i have one please?
am i worthy of one?
worthy of having something good?
i promise i wont ruin it this time.
i promise.
please i promise.