Secret | (Merder)

PTSD

"So, shoot me. I am your eye for eye." Mr. Clark shoots Owen instead. He leaves until Cristina and Jackson stop fixing him. In reality, they pulled the EKG pads off, and put them back on when Mr. Clark left. Meredith takes Owen in the other OR with April to treat him. Blood spreads down Meredith's legs. Cramps arise in her stomach, painful cramps. She nearly passes out from the pain. Meredith stands in a pool of her blood. Derek mysteriously walks in.

"You killed our baby," Derek says, "you killed our baby!" Derek pulls out a gun. "I am doing what Mr. Clark should of done to you," Derek yelled. Meredith screams.

I screamed so loud Derek had to cover his ears. "Meredith," Derek wipes my tears trying to cover his ears at the same time, "Meredith!" I stopped the awful noise I was making, I was hurting my own ears too. I hugged Derek so hard, sobbing in his pajama shirt. Derek kissed my head softly which calmed me down, but my eyes were still burning from the tears of the nightmare. Derek held me, "Are you okay?"

I got up, my nightmare just turned into my reality. I was still sore from the D&C I had last week. "Derek, I am fine! No need to worry about me!" I rambled.

"Really? Well then, I think you might of won an opera award for those amazing screams," Derek snickered. Derek then pulled down the comforter to try and get me back into bed, which revealed a blood stain. Derek looked at the stain and shock wiped his face completely, "Mer, are you really okay?"

I had a good excuse, "I am fine, just a heavy flow!" I turned on the shower, I felt disgusting from all the blood, sweat, and tears. Blood was normal after a D&C. I stood in the shower just speechless. I don't want Derek to know at all about the miscarriage. He will totally blame me, and not want my stupid, dying baby genes. Then, he will leave me to find someone with good, not dying baby genes. Was I overthinking? Derek was doing something, I don't know what. I hope he doesn't try to have shower sex with me, I can't just yet. I grabbed my towel, and got out of the shower. I then walk out of the bathroom to see Derek cleaning our room. Our bedding was changed, and my collection of cups was gone. I laughed, "what are you doing?"

"Just cleaning since I can"t sleep after you were singing opera," Derek snickered again.

"You don't have to do that!" I said.

Derek closed the door and pulled off my towel, "and you don't have to wear this." Derek kissed me passionately letting our tongues touch. I backed away, "I am starving let's make something to eat!" I grabbed my dartmouth shirt, pajama pants, and a pair of lacy pink underwear, then I got dressed real quickly. Derek just sat on the bed watching me scramble and eventually he left to start funding something to eat. I couldn't go back to sleep. This would be my 5th nightmare in a row. PTSD signs are kicking in. Then I just remembered, crap! I probably woke Alex and Lexie with my screams too. I eventually headed downstairs.

"Jesus Mer," Alex said sounding very annoyed.

I stared at Alex, "sorry..." Lexie then came up to me and whispered, "are you okay with the thing-y?" I quickly bumped in and said, "what thing-y? I- I don't know what your talking about!" Derek was staring at me. Lexie finally read the room, "Oh my gosh I ruined it! I was asking about Alex's surprise party!"

"What?" Derek and Alex said in unison.

I only told Alex, Lexie, and Cristina. I looked at Lexie mad from her ruining "Alex's surprise party" I am good at opera and acting, "Oh man, dang it!"

Derek questioned, "A surprise party? For Alex-" I then jumped in once again, "yep, but Lexie ruined it" Where are me and Lexie's oscars? After all of us got done eating some plain toast, we all went back upstairs to go to bed. I was trying to go to sleep, but I felt Derek's eyes glued to me. His mind was probably wondering all these questions about me. I wanted to tell him, but it is so hard that I can't. I eventually heard the sound of snores. I knew he was asleep. So, I creeped down the hall, and saw no one awake. All their doors were closed. I then carefully walked downstairs, and plopped on the couch. I just sat there reading my mother's old journals until I fell asleep on the couch.
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Author's Note:
Hi! Do you like what I have written so far? (I am not the best writer) If so, would you want more? Any changes, tips, or techniques would be great! I don't know where I went in the beginning, but I find it interesting. Happy Holidays! -author