The broken mates

Lifeline

She walked upstairs into our room and i take a deep breath before following her upstairs and walking into the room to see her standing beside our bed just watching as i walk in. 

"Emmy" she says in soft almost breathless voice she moves towards me and i simply hold out my hand stopping her in her path. "emmy" She says in an almost whisper.

"I know what i did was wrong but I'm a Luna i can't let Cas grow up without someone who loves him" 

"But we can't take care of him, we have so much we are supposed to do"

"I grew up without anyone to love me thinking i had been passed over and i would never feel the love of a parent and i never did, I refuse to let Cas grow up like that" 

"Emmy" She says walking closer but i take a step back 

"We can have no children Alex" I say bravely "He is an Alpha" She pauses and watches me for a moment at this point i almost feel like pulling my own hair out.

She looks at me with an emotion behind her eyes, an emotion i had only seen very few times a look of complete hopelessness, pain and loneliness.

"I'm not good enough to be a parent" She says her voice cracking at the end "I'm not good at looking out for others i make too many mistakes to have this responsibility" 

"Alex" I whisper "You have been taking care of everyone else for so long" I walk towards her resting my hand on her cheek and she gently tilts her head leaning into my touch.

"You can do this Alex" I whisper to her "I'm so proud of you for everything you know that right" At this she breaks like a perfect glass shattering across the floor, the tears start and i watch almost hopelessly as my Alpha cries to me and i take her into my arms and hold her tightly relishing in the sparks flying across my skin.

"i cant do anything I've always tried so hard to protect everyone and i keep failing why do i keep failing" I shake my head at her grabbing her cheeks in my hand 

"You haven't failed" I say staring at her eyes "Okay" I say after gaining no response.

"I have god knows how many times and I don't want to fail you Emmy it would break me to hurt or fail you"her voice breaks and my heart hurts at the tears welling in her eyes

"Can I meet him" she whispers to me and I look at her in shock

"Why" I say my eyes wide in disbelief barely understanding the sudden change in attitude.

"I've always wanted a kid but I'm scared of messing it all up I don't want to put them through what my dad forced me to go through the constant training to be an Alpha nothing but a soldier with rules and nothing more" she says her shoulders falling as if a weight had been lifted and she could breathe again.

I didn't know what to say it felt like every word I could say wouldn't make her feel any better and I did the only thing I could think of to do and I hugged her.

"I know we haven't been an us for awhile but you're all I need but thank you for letting me have this, we can take care of him no matter how much you disagree okay you've always taken care of me and its just the same okay" She stays quiet simply holding me tighter and nods. I feel the relief slipping through our bond and I smile into her shoulder.

"Come on let's go see cas" I say taking her hand and leading her out of the room. I walk in to living room and see cas sitting lila on his lap as she giggled gleefully at he tickled her stomach.

"Hey Indigo do you mind taking lila for awhile?" I say sitting in the couch with Alex next to me. I smile at her as she walks out of the room with a less than pleased lila

"Hey cas come here for a second" I say patting the seat next to me. He bounds other with a wide toothy smile on his face.

"is this Alex?" He asks and I smile nodding at him and he goes over and jumps up and gives her a hug and I smile watching her breathe a sigh of relief and hugging him close to her.