A Butterfly Under the Sunken Moon

12|To Live Life with One's Head Held High

On the tenth of May, outside of a parking lot at 5 ante meridiem, a scream could be heard. A scream so anguished and heart-wrenching that those standing outside could not find the courage to enter the building. Of the three people inside, one had just left the world with the rising of the sun, one was sobbing while trying to keep it together and the last one, the youngest one, was the scream.

The Lion breathed his last while embracing the Dog and the Butterfly, a peaceful yet bittersweet smile ever-present on his bloodied face. It was a terrible sight yet nobody would have the audacity to call it pathetic. Let nobody call this sight pathetic for that would be insulting this noble sacrifice.

Shinobu did her best to clean his face without disturbing that peaceful smile. She wondered what he was thinking about to be smiling like that. Maybe his mother, his role model, or his brother, maybe even his father even though he wasn't a very good one.

He almost looked peaceful enough for him to have died in the middle of a happy dream, yet that was the opposite of what happened. Kochō let out a shaking laugh for a moment before finding herself unable to smile; she knew that he'd want them to smile and move on, but they couldn't. Who would? Nobody but the man himself.

The guilt was all-consuming, Giyū was supposed to have been here instead of her, Giyū, the combat-specialist, the powerful swordsman. Giyū could've helped Rengoku kill Akaza, Shinobu got herself injured and failed.

She felt herself standing up to move the Lion's body but it felt like she was elsewhere, replaying what could've been in her mind, the smiles they could've shared after the victory. Shinobu never though she'd hate the idea of them not being out of sweet potatoes so much.

When she came back to her senses it was lunchtime, Kochō was listlessly eating a spoonful of fried rice along with the other Moons who seemed to feel just as out of place. It was never silent when they ate: Tomioka would be chasing Shinazugawa around with a piece of ohage or Rengoku would yell: "WASSHOI!" Every time he ate a sweet potato. Mitsuri would be remarking on how cool everyone was -or she'd be joining in with Rengoku- and Gyōmei would be crying about how good the food was. Tengen would be commenting on how flamboyant everyone was today and Kochō would be poking fun at the Ocean Moon's antics.

Today it was silent, even the clinking of silverware and the sounds of food were all barely above a whisper. Shinobu decided that she hated the quiet.

The medic stopped by the infirmary to check on Kamado's condition, he'd collapsed as soon as his adrenaline ran out, but he seemed to be doing better now. Physically at least. Any speaking on the tenth of May was the bare minimum: no-one had the heart to say more than what was needed. Kyōjurō was the gang's heart and it had stopped beating on his Birthday, no less.

Shinobu hated the quiet, so she went on a walk, the fountain was never quiet. She didn't expect to run into the Ocean Moon there, at least not consciously. The Butterfly considered him a friend at this point, so she called out to him: "Tomioka", but her voice cracked into a sob as she did, "I'm so, so sorry."

Giyū was confused: why was she apologizing to him and why was she hugging him? Everyone needs a hug sometimes, but she had chosen one who is terrible at comforting others to hug. "You could've saved him! I-I failed, I'm so sorry," were the words that escaped her lips between sobs.

The other Moon's eyes widened for a second, why was she blaming herself? He raised a hand to pat her back, "It's... You did what... you could." "You could've done so much more!" Was her anguished scream, all the feelings from the morning, they needed to come out now, the anger, the sadness, the guilt. It was like Kanae's death all over again.

"Why... do you think that?" Was his doubt voicing its concerns. Shinobu looked at him like he had just made a distasteful joke, after she had released him from the hug, "Isn't it obvious? You're one of the best fighters in the Sunken Moons. You two would've been able to beat him. Sure, maybe I could've done more but I was careless and got injured!"

"Then get stronger! I was injured as well! The weak cannot do anything!" His own anger spoke. The two stared at each other in shock for a moment: the silent Moon, yelling? Then, Shinobu broke down into laughter, "Oh my, so loud! This is why nobody likes you, you know? ...But... thank you, you're right."

"He told me to live with my head held high. Thank you for making that feel less impossible," Shinobu still had not forgotten her anger, but there was no reason she could not live her best 'till that moment. Maybe, if she wasn't kidding herself, she saw the crease in her companion's eyebrows vanish completely for once, "Would you want to try to do the same?"

"I can't let her in, I can't, I can't, I can't, I-I..." Giyū's mind was screaming, but his face betrayed him this once. "You're... crying?" The Butterfly asked, she wouldn't be lying if she thought he couldn't cry before. The Ocean Moon wiped a thumb under his eye and sure enough, there was a tear on his finger and so, the first crack in his iron wall appeared.

Tomioka stopped his tears as soon as she pointed it out. Shinobu's smile turned slightly irritated. The young woman sighed a bit before continuing, "Maybe someday I'll see your smile." Then she bid him farewell and walked back into the night, it was quite late and she wanted to try to sleep.

The Full Moon stared at her as she left and cursed that traitorous part of him that didn't want to see his friend leave just yet. He cursed the part that called her a friend. Now that he was alone, he saw no harm in letting his tears fall, tears for Rengoku, tears for his sister, tears for Makomo and Sabito. Just once, he wanted to let those tears fall, even if he felt guilt for doing so.

"To live with one's head held high."

"That time is nigh."

"So reach for the sky."

"And let your dreams fly."

"With soaring pride."

"Change that terrible tide."

"Turn away from the Sun,"

"Turn your eyes to the depths,"

"For there the Moon waits,"

"For his savior."