꧁𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 ꧂

𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚞𝚗𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍

TW: mentions of self harm and suicide, rape.

your pov:

as i was rubbing my sweaty palms against my coat, the rough coat rubbed against my wrists.

"ouch.." i said quietly.

no one knew but i cut my wrists. it's the sense of pain that just makes me happy. i've been doing it for a long time.

"are you okay?!" louis said, concerned.

"yeah."

"n-no your not..."

"louis. i'm okay"

"okay fine."

me and louis were just talking after..

"it's so warm y/n, aren't you a bit too hot in that jacket?"

"yeah, i am. but i'm not taking it off."

"why not? your gonna pass out, i can tell your face is all warmed up and red, take that off, i don't know how to cope with a half dead person!"

"louis... i dont want to."

"why not? is there something wrong."

"i'm scared your going to judge my arms."

"i won't! look at mine! they're not perfect either"

he didn't catch along, and showed me his upper arm. he didn't know that i was the one cutting, but i let it go because i didn't want to argue with him.

"fine.. i don't wanna argue with you."

i stood up from my chair and took my jacket off, well, not MY jacket, but issies, and then i sat back down on the chair.

i felt sick to my core, when my cuts were really visible.

louis gulped, looking at my cuts.
his eyes slowly teared up.

"don't cry.." i said as i hid my wrists from him.

"i should've realised earlier... i'm sorry" he said as his hands covered his face.

"louis, do you want to talk about this?"

"ye-yes i do! right now! tell me why you are hurting yourself, i'll do anything to make you happy! i just don't want to see you this sad!"

i sighed..

"okay."

"please please i don't want you to be doing this to yourself!" he said as his voice got shakier and shakier.

"louis, calm down, i'm about to explain."

after i had the energy to explain my story, i went ahead, and explained.

"okay. louis. what i'm about to tell you may trigger you, so i'm just letting you know now.
okay, when i was little i always wanted a little sister, my father hated that i wanted a little sister. and i did everything i could to get my parents to get me a sibling. my father was very annoyed. at one point my mum got pregnant, but when my parents told me that my mother was pregnant. my father was mad. really mad. i was so happy, so so happy.. that i finally was going to have a sister. but ever since my mum got pregnant, things got bad. whenever my mum had went out to a friends house, my father would stay at home and beat me, beat me so badly to the point where i was bleeding drastically, and when my mother came home, my father would tell her that i either fell off the bed, or a car scratched me, and my mother would always listen to my father. once she gave birth many months later, my father always payed attention to my little sister, leaving me like a ghost, as if i didn't even exist. i was sad, but i still loved my sister very much. we always got along, she told me everything, when she was 10, i was 14, and her best friend died in a car crash, and my sister was never the same after her bestfriend died. she always talked to me about it. i tried my best to do what i can to keep her alive, since she was so suicidal. yet one day.

he hang herself."

louis gasped as his gasp was shaky.

"louis, it's okay

anyways, i found her hanging from her bedroom window. i called my parents as i cried my eyes out, they called the police and it was a suicide. i was heartbroken, i've never been the same since. i had to be escorted out of the cemetery during her burial because of how badly i was screaming and crying. i never told my sister, but i should've, that she kept me alive, she was the only person that brightened up my day. ever since, my life went downhill, 16 now, two years later after her death, im here, because as my life went downhill, my grades went downhill as well. my parents called me a disgrace after i got back my test last month, and kicked me out of the house here to the uk. they don't even want to label me as their daughter, but they still give me money so that i won't have to die on the streets of hunger."

"i- i'm so sorry." louis said as he immediately came into my hands and hugged me. i cried into his shoulder uncontrollably. luckily millies mascara was water proof. i was so sad...

"i could read you out my suicide note i have saved on my phone"

"if you don't mind" louis told me

i cleared my throat.

"okay.. here we go.
dear.. death note?
hello, it's me, the alive y/n, telling you how much i will miss you when i leave this earth, but my time here has finished, the battle i've fought with ever since my sister left, beat me, i just want to go see her now.

i love you so much, mother. now you wonder why i don't mention my father, let me tell you.

my father, has beat me every time you went out with your friends mom, after you got pregnant. he even raped me once. it's truly heartbreaking for you to dons this out now mother huh? but you should've listened to me in the first place. i love you i guess, i'll be watching from heaven."

"that's it louis."

i could see louis crying in the other side of the table.

"louis.." i said, as he just cried and cried.

then.
the lady came, handed me and louis our breakfast...