Conan The Dandelion (Boyxboy) ✔

Chapter 26: Miserably Small

"You never want to talk about it," he deadpanned.

I could tell that Parker was reaching his limits.

"I can't."

"Why not?" He was growing impatient.

"I just can't."

He took in a tight breath, then spoke as softly as he could, sounding so tired and drained, "You have to talk to me, dandelion."

My heart pounded against my chest. I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue, all I needed was a little more confidence, a little more time, a gentle push, but as my lips parted, the Dark Thoughts stopped me.

That's right. Tell me him everything. Tell him everything that's wrong with you. Tell him why he should leave you. Go on, Conan, ruin your life.

"May I be excused? I'd like to go to bed," I murmured. Frustration flashed through Parker's dark eyes..

"You can't keep everything bottled up forever!" he shouted.

I glanced back at him, but regretted it immediately. His dark eyes were full of frustration and worry. His disheveled hair fell over his beautiful forehead. There was something in that shout, a pain behind it. A raw cry and desperate plea for help, and knew that it was his shield for pain, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, scared for mine.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I whispered.

Parker tilted his head back and he ran his hands over his face, shutting his eyes. I could feel him reaching his patience, and knew it wouldn't take much longer before he burst.

Would he hit me?

The sudden question made me cringe. I hated how terrible my mind was. The human mind was a terrible, terrible thing. It transgressed morals, it pondered on all the 'what ifs,' adventured in the possibilities and impossibilities. There were no limits to our imagination, and that was both a gift and curse. Or perhaps it wasn't the human mind that was terrible, but mine.

Parker opened his eyes again and walked towards me. He raised his hand and I waited for the worst, but instead of receiving a slap, he pointed at the pizza on my plate.

"This," he growled. "This better be gone by the time I come back."

My eyes stretched open.

"Where are you going?" I asked frantically. He didn't answer and stormed towards the exit.

"When will you be back?" I asked, but he slammed the door behind him. I felt panic rise up my chest.

What if Parker didn't come back? What if he left me for good? You really did it this time, Conan, you pushed Parker to his limit and now he was never coming back. Good for you, it's what you deserve. It's your fault anyway, it's all your fault. It's always been your fault.

I pinched my arm, trying to focus the pain elsewhere. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry... I bit my lower lip and ran after him, but when I opened the door, he was no longer there.

He's going to come back.

The house suddenly felt very big, and I, very small. I forced myself to eat the pizza. I chewed and chewed, and even if I didn't want to eat, I continued to swallow, thinking that if I did, it would somehow make Parker come back.

Half an hour later, I heard the doorknob turn and saw Parker step in. I felt immense relief, and felt like I could finally breathe again.

"Parker," I said. I smiled at him. "I didn't think you'd come back."