Blackhumour Stories

Making a decision while drunk can change your life forever. In Blitzo's case, adopting Y/N, a 7-year-old hellhound. A kid with no killer instinct whatsoever AND The new member of IMP! Causing conflicts, new adventures, chaos and a pinch of emotion in his life and that of his employees. Will Blitzo regret making that decision? Or will he eventually see Y/N as a true family member of his? Will Y/N make their lives a little better? Or will she fuck them up?

At Westbrook High School, getting roasted is basically part of the education system. Malik "Leak" Johnson, Darius "D-Money" Carter, and Trevon "Trey" Banks are three loudmouth best friends known for turning every hallway, classroom, and lunch table into a comedy battlefield. Nobody is safe. Not teachers. Not students. Not each other. Malik roasts people like it's a professional sport. Darius talks the most trash for somebody who loses breath walking upstairs. And Trey? Trey might actually be the dumbest human alive - which somehow makes him the funniest. After one legendary cafeteria incident leaves a freshman crying near the ketchup dispenser, the trio gets recruited into the underground National School Roast Championship - a brutal statewide competition where schools battle for the title of Funniest School of the Year. Now the boys must learn how to: • survive school politics, • destroy rival roast teams, • avoid getting suspended, • and somehow not ruin each other's lives in the process. But as the competition gets bigger, so do the problems. Rival schools cheat. Friendships get tested. Feelings get hurt. And behind all the jokes, each of them struggles with pressure, family issues, and figuring out who they really are outside the laughs. Packed with wild insults, chaotic energy, stupid decisions, and nonstop comedy, Roast Central is a loud, disrespectful black comedy about friendship, roasting culture, and three complete dumbasses trying to become legends.

"Moving to America was supposed to be a fresh start. Instead, it became a fresh disaster." When Zuri and her Jamaican boyfriend Ajani move to the U.S. with their loud, hilarious, and unapologetically Black families, fitting in at their mostly white high school sounds hard enough. But after one tiny misunderstanding lands them in a police station on their very first year, their parents make a shocking decision: if they can't stay out of trouble, they're getting sent back home at the end of the school year. Now Zuri and Ajani have one mission-prove they can be responsible. Easy... right? Wrong. From classroom chaos and awkward culture clashes to family drama, embarrassing parents, and one disaster after another, every time they try to do the right thing, they somehow make everything ten times worse. Can they survive the school year and convince their parents to let them stay? Or will their biggest enemy be... themselves? A hilarious story about family, friendship and discovering that fitting in isn't always worth it.

Kudryavka and Mushka, two Ukrainian-American immigrants and lifelong friends, have grey and boring lives... That is, until one of them discovers that she has psychic powers. When those powers draw unwanted attention, the girls will be forced to embark on a deadly road trip across the mountains and deserts of the western United States in order to be reunited and defeat the evil forces trying to keep them apart. Putting aside the generic back cover stuff, this is a story and concept I've been working on since I was in high school, and I finally decided, screw it, I'll start writing it. I'm uploading it here as I write since it's set to be the longest thing I've written so far, and I want some feedback in the meantime. I'm fairly proud of it. Chapters will come out as I write them, which all depends on when I have free time at work to write. All the titles are from pieces by Jenny Holzer. To-be-expected disclaimer, but there's gonna be some pretty harsh themes discussed. Characters will get hurt, kidnapped, tortured, and murdered at times. There's foul language, and some characters are ignorant or bigoted and might use language that reflects that, including slurs. I try not to sanitize, but I try not to revel in any of it.

You never knew me. You only knew what I thought you needed to know. Yet, you say you love me ? You understand me? Then I guess it's time for you to get to know the real me. This book is for those who thought they knew the real me. Be pleasantly surprised. Sit back and enjoy this collection of story times and gain a new outlook on who Monica is, was and who she's becoming.

A fictional memoir of a brother and sister's intertwined fate and inner landscapes, Requiem explores dysfunctional relationships and their individual struggles to find what they can, and can't, live without. After the sudden death of their mother, siblings Sven and Sigrid face numerous upheavals. Sigrid recalls her perception of their losses--detailing the relative isolation in which they were raised--an atmosphere which precipitates a crisis that threatens the siblings' mutual survival. Only afterwards does she begin to piece together a clearer picture of their childhood, revealing both the extent of cycling violence and the secrets her older brother tried to hide from her. Random Excerpt: "Beyond excited to announce that I'm giving up! No dating for this guy, not anymore. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to restrict myself exclusively to one-night stands and can't wait to see where this decision takes me. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will start as I mean to go on: I plan on being as useless as the G in lasagna." He'd disappeared into his room, coming back with a large bottle of scotch. "Dear liver, it's going to be a rough ride till the end of the year. Stay strong my precious champion, stay strong," he mumbled, rubbing his beer belly. "Adulthood in general is bullshit." "Life is bullshit," I corrected him. "Aww, our dark little bundle of thunderstorm," Seamus fake-cooed. "Why did adults lie to us all those years about how great it is, making it sound like there's an obvious path, a life plan that's a matter of course."

It's in the title my dear child

Just a random Story that came to my mind whilst having a call with my bsf

We've all dreamed of being superheroes or superheroines in our childhood, yet the true life of a superhero is nothing as DC or Marvel's trend paints it for you. One night, Elena lived, a regular 14 years old girl sees a dream where she meets a woman who gives Elena words of wisdom; in addition what seems to be a steampunk girl is pulling the strings for Elena to do exactly as she wants it. Elena will be faced with a decision that has only three options: she can run away and pretend her powers don't exist, she can use them to find out the truth or she can just use them for a greater good; such decisions will bring mistrust about her family as she doesn't know what to do. To top it all off, as soon as she runs away afraid of someone learning of her powers a mysterious group of men seem to be in search for her...

This is a darkly comic short novel set in the sweltering heat of Florida, following Ivy Carlos - a quietly lonely freelance illustrator who has spent eleven years being unconditionally devoted to her orange-and-white cat, Mr. Mittens. When she confronts the unbearable arithmetic of a cat's lifespan, she does what any reasonable person would do: she kidnaps a geneticist. What begins as a botched, flip-flop-clad abduction of Dr. Raymond Hall - a mild-mannered University of Florida researcher Ivy has convinced herself is secretly sitting on immortality technology - quickly unravels into something far stranger and more tender than either of them expected. Held in a basement storage room lined with color-coded research papers and half-eaten digestive biscuits, Hall finds himself giving the most engaged lectures of his career. Ivy finds herself learning, slowly, that the question she's really asking has nothing to do with telomerase. Told with dry wit and genuine warmth, and punctuated throughout by Mr. Mittens' magnificently indifferent inner monologue, *Nine Lives Aren't Enough* is a story about grief dressed up as obsession, connection dressed up as madness, and the particular kind of love that makes a person do something completely unreasonable - and somehow, almost understandable. A love letter to cats, and to everyone who has ever wished, very badly, that something good could last forever.

I'm just gonna post whatever's on my mind in a somewhat poetic way, I guess. It's masturbation for the most part.

🥷💥A ninja in the modern world struggles to find his place, leading to a darkly humorous and violent quest for purpose in a society that doesn't need him. When ancient skills clash with modern jobs, chaos ensues. 🥷💥

Since its release, the book is granted as controversial, polemic-arising, daring and single in its kind. With a picturesque glint, which makes the artwork amusing and easy-to-read, it broaches serious topics of common interest to the public, in a quite new approach and not yet taken into the ordinary public's account. An opus to show the office's reality: what goes behind many chairs and we would never have known by any other means. A serious work, on a serious subject, yet it deals with it in a light, fun and comic style, highlighting as a single piece in the field of contemporary literature, since it subtly drums the reader into a mix of doubt and wish for newer and greater explanation on the life inner a dentist's office. The venturesome title rouse spirits all over the country since the beginning. The first edition was sold out in few months, the knowledgeable corps of critics applauded the undertaking and recognized in the paper a work of public health concern meanwhile professionals' associations gathered efforts throughout the country against the book and its author. Dentists from all corners criticized the work in the related vehicles, reaching the point of exposing the case to the Federal Council of Dentistry. However, the author's response to critiques was sharp and steady. Via his right to answer, the writer again disposed to the public the reasons that led him to write the book and mildly showed with no air for misunderstanding that the ones who outraged at the book's expression are the same ones that compose its lines, in other words, the bad professionals to whom the book alerts and condemns.

They say time passes by when you're having fun... Tilly isn't planning to work in this coffee shop for the rest of her life, but it seems like she has been stuck here forever! Follow Tilly's adventures at work as the cynical, dark-humored girl encounters love.

This is a list of all of my favourite dark humour jokes. TW: some of these contain abortion jokes, suicide and self harm. Recommended to not read if you are below 16.

When information becomes shame

kuch alag

Wszystkich biją żony Suarez ma ksywkę Koniu Bale ma kompleksy Ronaldo chce bić Neymara w niecnych celach Czyli parodia tego co może się wydarzyć ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)