Ungodly Hour | d.e.

Success doesn't equate happiness. I've had to learn that the hard way over the years. With every disappointment, every let down, every heartbreak, my solution was to just achieve something. Gain a new award, a higher accolade, a bigger position. The distractions only work temporarily, but once it dies down you realize that you're left with just you. You realize that you're still alone, still a failure in other aspects of life, and still hiding from the past.

My name is Brynn. I got married at nineteen to my college sweetheart, and at the age of twenty four I found myself packing up and leaving him in the middle of the night. During that ungodly hour is when everything starts to hit you, when everything begins to resurface.

My husband never attempted to come after me, never even attempted to reach out to me. Yet I still find myself going to sleep with him on my mind. I can still feel his touch if I dream hard enough. I still find myself keeping up with his social media, following his life from a distance.

Only in that ungodly hour do I let my fantasies roam free and allow myself to miss him. I allow myself to still love him, still care for him. As long as I know that once morning hits it's back to business, back to being distracted, and back to being alone.