Hindsight

12/25/20

L,

Happy holidays, I suppose.

I wonder what you're doing today. I wonder if it's something enjoyable or something you hate. I would expect the latter, but can only hope for the former. I've just been moping around the house because you're not here. I was heavily convinced that you would be spending Christmas with me. And being in a heavy state of denial and dissociating more often than not, it was still somehow a painful shock to wake up without you next to me.

I got cool stuff.

I got a new sewing machine and various other sewing things, a few tools to help with my back pain, Some art, jumper cables, and a few other things on my Amazon wish list that aren't worth going into detail about. Well, most of them. Mom got me one of the dresses I wanted, but it was too big. So she's exchanging it for the right size. I got a lot of money, but most of it went to paying stuff off.

I visited Z today.

We all did. Me, E, and N. Hung out for awhile, then the lesbians left and me and Z cuddled for like four hours. They gave me more clothes and chocolate. Accidentally cuddled until 2 AM... Oops. The explosion in Nashville messed up cell towers and stuff, so I didn't get Parent's "come home NOW" texts until I restarted my phone and they all came through. Parent was typing in all caps. I was scared. I hadn't intentionally ignored their messages. I promise. I was just distracted and my phone was acting up.

We talked about you.

Various different things. All good though. Z texted boyfriend, but boyfriend didn't answer. I hope he's okay after the explosion. Also, OHMYGOD. There was an explosion. I've heard different things. Planted bomb, suicide, suicide bombing, and some other things floating around. I don't know what to make of it, to be perfectly honest.

I'm so tired.

I have to go to work at 11:00 AM. Not so bad. I like my job, and the people there are okay too. Plus I only have to work for 3 hours... Oops.

I'm dozing off.

Goodnight love. I'm so sorry you're stuck right now. I'll free you soon.

I love you.

L