Hindsight

12/20/20

L,

Shit.

It finally happened. I forgot to write. And now I'm panicking and probably going to have a breakdown. We'll see I guess. I'm going to write twice today just so I don't look back and see that one is missing. Wow, I'm really weird. Anyway from this point forward I'm going to address all events as if it is in fact 12/20/20 and not 12/21/20. I apologise in advance.

Off to a bad start.

I woke up extremely ill. I think it's because I over-exerted myself the other day. I had to get parent to bring me my meds. But after being properly drugged and sitting in dark silence for a couple of hours, I was okay. Needless to say, I didn't help my friend move. Luckily for me, she didn't feel well either.

My dreams are mellowing out.

Or maybe I'm just remembering less and less of them. They still usually involve you, and they still usually have at least one strange element, but I am waking up anxious less often. Might be the fact that I've started taking melatonin again. Who knows?

I found something.

The number of the guy we chatted with on omegle. I texted him and he said he remembered us, but not much of the conversation. He said he just remembered it as being a nice, wholesome conversation.

Which led to bad ideas.

I got back on omegle. I don't know why I thought that was a smart choice. My first tag was "Trans rights." Nobody else had that tag, so I got connected with several strangers. The majority of them were not nice people. They attacked me, my pride flag, my hair color, my height, my braces, my skin tone, and everything else you could think of. I got called an "it" a lot. Some people saw me and skipped me immediately. So I got tired of that and put in BLM instead. More of the same. I got the occasional nazi salute and white people throwing around the N word too. Big surprise there. Had one good convo though. They were nice. Then I moved on to the LGBTQ tag. Met a nice closeted lesbian and we vibed to gay music and talked shit about her family and shitty conservative friends.

That one was my favorite.

We talked about moving into the white house and letting all the LGBTQ people move in with us and just vibing together. T'was a good conversation. I hope she's okay. Her family and friends are not the accepting type.

I had a system.

It's sad that I got to this point. But I started saying "you have thirty seconds. Do your worst." Whenever I saw a group of white boys or just a ceiling. Most of them started spouting shit off immediately. Some were confused. Others just skipped.

I got tired of it.

Then I called Z. Told them about all the "fun" white boys I met on omegle. We talked about how much we missed you and if we thought E had accepted that they were now a part of the polycule. Ii enjoy our conversations. I hope they do too.

I slept in again.

Woke up at 3:00 in the afternoon. I hate doing that. But Z says it's self care, so I guess it's okay.

I hope you're safe and getting enough sleep.

I love you.

L