Love Is Messy

~𝓢𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓵~

It had been about a month since Lucy's suicide. I should've seen it. What a fucking idiot. 

My thoughts storm through my head as I stare down at my notebook while tapping my pencil on my desk. Mrs. Olsen is lecturing us on the matter of how important some type of number is. I feel a hand rub down my arm and I look over at Amelia. She gives me worried eyes and I just look away, biting my lip as hard as possible. "Amelia, that type of touch is not appreciated." The teacher growls, stopping her lesson. I hear Amelia push her desk away and stand up. 

"Okay, first of all, you let James and Addison fuck each other in the halls-" She points to them and they both blush. "-But you don't let a friend comfort her other friend?! What a fucking bitch!" She yells, clearly pissed. The teacher looks taken back, and sends her to the office. I hear Amelia scoff and storm out of the room. I am shocked at her words. Everyone had already forgot about my sister. The only person that was still holding onto it was Amelia. She knew I wasn't okay, even though I told her I was. It hurt even more when she would ask me question like 'what does your mom think?' or 'God, Lucas must be devastated' or 'I'm so so so sorry.' 

I had to tell her at some point everyone else was gone. I was also still fuming mad at Asher. He hadn't helped me and maybe if he had, I could've saved her. Once class was over, I picked up my bag and rushed into the bathroom, not even paying attention to which one I entered. I dropped my backpack onto the floor and grasped onto the sink, my breath becoming ragged. I grip my chest as I feel things getting blurry. I slide down onto the floor and slam my head back against the wall. I struggle to my bag and my hands shake non-stop. I shuffle around in my bag until I find my blades. I slowly traces it over my skin about five times, and then move onto the other arm when I hear the door open. I shove my blade back into my bag and pulled down my sleeve. 

It was Asher. Shit. I stand up, and pull my hood a little farther down my face. He stops, and stares at me. "What are you doing in here?" He asks, taking a surprised step back. "Nothing." I mumbled trying to push past him. He grabs my arm and I yelp in pain as he holds my fresh new cut. He eyes me and presses down harder. 

"S-stop! That hurts." I yelp, trying to pull away. "No it doesn't, I'm barely even touching you." He scoffs, taking down his hand. I look into his eyes and I see coldness. Where did the Asher I knew when I first got here go? 

"Move." I say through gritted teeth. He pushes me against the wall, putting his knee in between my legs. Butterflies fly up in my stomach. That's new- 
Did I have too much bread? He leans to my ear and I feel his breath brush against it. "Don't talk to me like that." He let's go and I stare at him with shock. Did he really just do that? "I just did." The sudden boldness surprises me...but I have the strength of my sister behind me. "You know, when I first got here, I actually thought you were kind of nice! I kind of liked you. But now your a fucking jerk." I hiss, pointing my finger at him again. Like last time, he grabs it and talks. "Oh sweetie, that was until you got on my bad side. But now, since you've settled in, your grandparents won't pay attention. Trust me. I mean look, they didn't even notice anything wrong with you sister, did they? Oh, wait, you were just as blind as them, weren't you?" 

Those words cut me. They cut me like a knife. I stare up at him, tears forming in my eyes. A little guilt floods into his eyes, but anger overtakes them.  I wasn't going to let him see even more tears roll from my eyes, so I push him out of the way and storm out of the bathroom. I fucking hate my life. I fucking hate every second of it. I run out of the school. I run and run, not sure where I'm going. All I know is that wherever I'm going, it'll be far away from this horrid place. 

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UGH STOP ASHER! I understand she upset you, but this was too far!