Finding out who I am - An autobiography

I - The start

Bahawalpur is a city situated in the province of Punjab, it is renowned in Pakistan for its magnificent monuments. It was one of the former princely states of British India. The Abbasi family of the Nawabs ruled until 1955. They left behind a rich architectural legacy: Noor Mahal, Darbar Mahal and Gulzar Mahal. These historic sights are visited by thousands of people each year. Yet this city is special to me for a different reason. It is where my mum and dad met.

My dad (Baba) was born and raised in Bahawalpur. He was born into a wealthy Muslim family. His mother was a headteacher and his father was an architect. My mum (Ma) was born and raised in Gujrat, Punjab, Pakistan. She was born into a wealthy Christian family. Her father was a priest working under the Church of Pakistan. In the mid-1960s, Ma's family moved to Bahawalpur for her father's ministry. There, she began training to become a nurse at a local hospital. Baba was visiting a friend at that same hospital one day. That is when Ma and Baba met.

They kept in contact through letters and he would frequently go to visit her during her breaks. They fell in love. After three years, Ma's father's transfer was coming to an end, so they were going to move back to Gujrat soon. Owing to this, Baba decided to tell his mother about his relationship with my Ma. His mother did not accept it at all as Ma was a Christian. Both Ma and Baba were young at the time. She was a nurse in training and he was still studying law. Having no income, they were not in a position to start a family. Despite Baba's mother not accepting their relationship, Ma and Baba secretly got married. It was a small courthouse wedding. Baba was close to his family and so felt it was right to inform them, yet they still did not accept their relationship. They would only do so if Ma converted to Islam. However, Ma was the daughter of a priest, so she refused. Baba struggled for his newlywed wife to be accepted into his family but they still refused. Ma did not tell her family that she had got married because she was scared that they would be disappointed. Since Ma and Baba had nowhere to stay in Bahawalpur, they went to Karachi to stay with Baba's eldest sister.

Karachi. A capital city full of life. It was known as Roshniyon ka Shehar which means "the City of Lights". This city was no stranger to noise with its vibrant nightlife. People would come from all over the country to gaze at the glittering lights, enjoy modern cuisine and relax at the beaches. It was also the business hub of Pakistan. It was one of the most populated cities in the world. Ma and Baba thought this would be the best place to go. It was 830 kilometres away from Bahawalpur by road and a plane journey of one and three-quarter hours. They would be far away from everyone. Ma would be able to keep this secret from her family and Baba could keep his new wife happy.

I was born in this magnificent city. Ma was working as a nurse in a nearby hospital and Baba had joined a university to continue studying law. They were given a room in a hostel by the hospital to stay in. They were both busy most of the time, so my aunt (Baba's eldest sister) also took care of me. She was married and had seven children of her own, so it was difficult for her to look after me all the time. Therefore, I was always being moved around. I spent most of my time with her eldest daughter. I remember that she gave me the nickname "Shairu" which means "lion". As a toddler I had a short temper and would just stare at my cousin in anger when I did not get what I wanted. I was surrounded by children, so there was always a fight for attention. Some days I lived with my aunt, other days with Ma and Baba. I did not have a permanent home.

When I was about two years old, Ma was offered the chance to go to Libya for further nursing training. There were a lot of things that she had to consider before making her decision. This was a great opportunity to earn more money for her family. Her ideal situation was for Baba and I to move to Libya with her. Baba refused. He had already sacrificed so much for their relationship. He had disobeyed his family, moved away and transferred to another university. He wanted to finish his law degree first before changing things again. She could not take me by herself since there would be no one to look after me in Libya. Nor did she want me to grow up in Baba's Muslim family. Ma was born into a Christian household and wanted her daughter to grow up with the same Christian beliefs as she had. If I stayed in Karachi, Baba would be busy studying, so I would be stuck with my aunt whom Ma did not want to burden either. Ma was still figuring out her priorities and what her next steps should be. She had kept a lot of secrets from her family: falling in love with a Muslim man, getting married and having a daughter with him. However, she did not know who else she could trust to guide her in the right direction. Eventually, she decided to seek help from her younger brother. It was time to tell someone in her family the truth.

Courage. It was something Ma had plenty of. She had done a lot of things that she knew would disappoint her family. Telling them the truth would not have been an easy task. Ma's brother was in Karachi at the time and so she reached out to him. My uncle understood that my Ma was in a difficult position and understood what she wanted to happen. Ma wanted to go to Libya because this was an opportunity that she just could not turn down. She knew that it was her responsibility, as my mother, to find a safe place to leave me. My uncle introduced Ma to a local church priest in the hopes that he would be able to provide some guidance. The priest and his wife had three sons and a daughter. They lived in a massive house. Many people would come and stay with them for months at a time: family, friends, nurses, other priests and students. It was as if it was a hotel. The priest and his family were very kind and offered to keep me for a few years until Ma finished her training in Libya. Ma did not know these people very well, but she did not see a better option. She had to make a decision. This family was Christian, the father was a priest and they had children I could play with. I would be safe. I was nearly three years old when I joined this huge family that I had never seen before. Ma had left me.