The Marrero Chronicles

1:8:21

Dear you,

We used to know each other so well. You always knew what to say when I felt overwhelmed. You never did say much, but your silence spoke louder than anyone's words ever did. I had to go on a repetitive adventure to reach you. For us to connect that way. I had to do specific things to make sure you were always only mine. I reminisced about your warm hugs, and how they always made me feel warmer when I felt cold and dead on the inside. When I felt alone, your gentle fresh breeze lent a hand to aid me in my empty world. You kissed my skin as time suspended infinitely as my eyes bore into the bright blue above. You filled my nose with honeysuckles and liberation. Full of promise and opportunity. You made me feel like we were the only ones in the world.

My world was so empty when we met. It felt like I had everything even when I had nothing. I allowed myself to lie to myself about it; having everything. It was easier to do rather than cope with it. Coping involved confrontation, and deep down we both knew I wasn't capable of it at the time. You were always so patient with me. I loved you for it- I still do. I remember everything about you. The bright colors provided me comfort in the many many shades of grey I lived in. You gave me a place to relax. To unwind, to think. You evaporated my tears, and your wind silenced my cries. Even if someone was down there they wouldn't have heard anything. We were so high up and so far into the woods. All we could hear...was you.

The water moving...
The leaves whistling...
The silent wind traveling through my ears...

I miss you, you know? It's been a long time since I've seen you. It's been years. It makes me wonder if there is ever anyone else up there with you now that I'm not there to keep you company? Perhaps you provide solace to a new lonely girl that moved in down the street or something. I'm happy for you, that you can make someone else feel happy, free, alive. I never did find another you anywhere else. Would you mind if I visited?

You never had to speak a word to notice how much I needed you. You could always see right through me..how broken I always was. I wish we had what we had years ago even still. Ever since my life turned to shit, I hadn't gone back to you, and I've been carrying all of my trauma and pain like a sack of large boulders on my back and strapped to my chest. I've been trying to do better. I've been trying so hard not to need you...but I'm not healing right..and I wonder if seeing you would aid me into letting it all go? It's not that long of a stretch to think it could work again.  Maybe I need the confrontation to finally be at peace. I don't want to wait until death grips me up to feel better.

It's just something to think about. When it gets warmer out, I'll do my best to see you. We can have a long chat. Until then I'll just be waiting just as you will be for me to come back and breathe each other's air again.

Sincerely, the lonely broken brunette you used to love getting to know.