The Marrero Chronicles

06. 12. 21

Today was a great day. My boyfriend came home today from drill, and we celebrated just like we would have five years ago- with videogames and food. As we were playing games today in my room, I randomly blurted out how incredible it is that we still enjoy playing video games together just like we did in high school. It made us both smile. Surely our past selves wouldn't have known that we would be in the roles we are in today. Still best friends, proudly and loudly in love. Nothing about the way we play videogames has changed except for the sweet nicknames and good luck kisses. We're still competitive and still great at working together. A love where you can smile and laugh often is something I never imagined forming let alone embracing with him. I was always pulling from him due to the fear of one day losing him just like I had in previous relationships when I had chose to court a friend. Do I regret letting my fear get in the way? In a way, yes I do. A part of me wishes I could go back in time so we could be together longer. However, the other part of me doesn't regret a thing.

If you would have asked me years ago if I thought true love, soul mates, was a genuine thing, I would have said no. How could I have believed in fate? I had no faith in God. I was severely abused and depressed. I just thought that if something was meant to be that it would happen and I never wanted to see anyone I was with as a soulmate. Why? Because growing up I was always waiting and expecting the other shoe to drop. I couldn't ever allow myself to embrace happiness with the thought of knowing it could be torn away from me. My partners would ask me if I viewed them that way, and I'll admit that I regret lying to them and saying that I did. I didn't, but I really wanted to. I wanted to believe that there was one person for every person in the world, but that darkness and trauma pulled me back every time.

Now I bring you back to right now. Almost six years later if someone were to ask me if I believed in fated love, my answer will have changed. As I regained some memories that were supressed by some very traumatic events, I felt happy to regain some positive things as well. Like how I met my best friend. I was never supposed to walk through that door on the second day of high school. This is a small twist of fate that I believe whoever is superior up there God or not had constructed for my journey. On the first day of school, my schedule was missing a second period class. On the first day I had my schedule switched around, and my freshman seminar class changed. If not for whoever made my classes up messing up, I never would have been assigned that class and I never would have met my best friend. My best friend I am now dating, in love, and planning a life with.

Everything feels right. Our love feels absolutely magical. We've only been together for three months and we have so many plans for the future. To someone else, all of it would be too fast, but it's not for us. We're best friends. We know everything about each other, and we are in a relationship you could say has been almost six years in the making. Every time that something happened that should have "driven us apart" didn't. Everyone was wrong. Me going to college, him promising himself to the military, all of the relationships we have been through in the past, all the trauma. Nothing broke what we had, and I know nothing will.

Growing up, fairytale love stories were only in books. Now I'm living in one. It's not someone's ideal cliche of course, but that love in all of those children's stories about princesses falling in love, and knowing upon meeting that they'd be inseparable? We have that, and I am overjoyed.

I am in the process or writing a book about him and I. I feel it in my heart, this book is going to end up on a shelf one day and I can't wait for everyone that wants to read it to be able to. This love story is magical and legendary. I've been feeling so excited and productive for me to write this book. What makes it even better is that my boyfriend has read what I have so far, and we both love where it's going.

I know sometimes I sound like a cliche mushy fan girl, but this is how I feel. This isn't a book that will be something to hold in your hand and read under a tree because it's mainly a journal. It's my other pieces I'm most excited for.

I'm just now realizing I haven't stopped journaling. I have about five journals, three of which are written through back to back and at one point it got so mentally exhausting that I couldn't keep up with it anymore and that's a reason I felt driven to start writing this journal online. I like surprising myself sometimes. It makes me recognize how far I've come from being a quiet clueless girl having panic attacks to a strong independent woman who knows where she's taking herself.

I hope for everyone that is reading this that this is proof strength can overcome that darkness inside of you. I will always strive to live better and wiser with each passing day, and I never would have imagined myself right here. All of my little accomplishments feel so huge and I am grateful for where my life is now and that my mind has been so much less stormy inside. I'm enjoying the sun.

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I hope for anyone reading this that they are having a great day and my words have inspired you to find the light within yourself.

This journaling project has really impacted my life in a positive way. I'm so glad to be in such a great place mentally now. I suggest anyone thinking about it to use my idea as an outlet for their mental health and just to document your life.

Documenting all of the little things and accomplishments help me see the most beautiful things about breathing on Earth. It's helped me value my life so much more ♥️