One Last Prayer

Part 1

I sit on my bed and stare out the window at the kids playing on our street. It has been an unusually hot summer on the coast and I've spent the majority of it confined to my room reading my devotionals and praying for healing. It has been two months to the day since my mom passed away, and it will be our first Sunday back in church with my dad, the pastor, speaking instead of our guest speakers who have taken over while we took time to mourn and watch the church's live stream from our living room couch. Every time I see the vision of my mom's head resting on the steering wheel and her eyes blank and lifeless, I have to take a minute to meditate on my prayer and know that she's in a better place. I wouldn't give anything to go back to that night and change things, because she's now in our forever home with the greatest savior and waiting for us in peace, even though we have to struggle through the rest of this "life" without physically seeing her.

I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing and I start to feel the light hit my eyelids, and I know that it's God comforting me. I hear my door open and the light disappears. I snap my eyes open and look over to see my dad standing in the doorway with a blank stare. It's been a while since I've seen him smile without force.

"It's time to go." He says and I smile at him.

Since my father is the pastor, he's been at church since early this morning, while he gave me the chance to sleep in a little and came to get me before second service. Before the accident I was always expected to come to each service and help out with childcare, tithing, worship, or whatever I was assigned to for that Sunday. We've been out of service for so long after never missing a Sunday in my life and I never thought it would feel so strange to be back. I expected to come and feel Gods comfort. Instead we walk into the church and I feel like everyone is staring. Some smile and greet me with hugs.

"We've been praying for you." Some say.

Others, "I've missed that smile."

Nothing that I hear is what I feel like I need right now, though. Nothing will make me feel less broken the way I thought my time alone with God would.

I see Jasey sitting in the front row to the right where we have always sat together ever since we were kids. I met Jasey when I was in the first grade when her family moved here from Arizona. Since then, we always enjoyed the same youth groups and church events together. Her parent's have always been very active in the ministry. Jasey and I became fairly inseparable after about a year. I smile and walk over to the seat next to hers. Her big green eyes shoot up to me and a smile reaches them.

 "You made it." She says quietly.

I smile and nod as she stands and gives me a breathtaking type of hug. It's been the longest I've ever gone without seeing Jasey. After my mom's accident I've declined on my relationships, including the one I once had with my bible.

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After the worship team finishes their last song my father's voice fills the room on the giant speakers.

"As many of you know this is the first day my daughter and I are back since the passing of my late wife, Katrina. I would like to thank everyone for their continued support and all of their prayers. I am a man who has had little to no experience in losing a loved one until recently, and I would love to take this day to focus on all the comfort that God gives us in times such as these. In proverbs 3:5-6 you'll read, 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.'"

As if on que, the doors slam open and I can hear a struggling mother in the back of the sanctuary trying to speak quietly, but failing,

"Just stop your complaining and sit down." The door closes. I am eager to glance back to see the age of the child she is talking to; wondering if she knows we offer classes for all different age groups. My father never stops his message as he doesn't want to draw any attention away from the word. His voice sounds powerful,

"The good news is that when we feel lost or confused during painful times, God has a reason and a plan for everything..."

I lose his message when I hear the mother still struggling. I look back, wondering if this is something I can help with as I have extended experience with our children's ministries.

I'm stunned when I turn around. It is easy to spot the mother in the back of the room, but where is the child? Next to her sits a boy that should practically be a man. He can't be much older than me. He has dark hair that hangs messily out the hood of his jacket into his eyes. This church is very casual. I am in some tight skinny jeans and a regular old, pale blue, long sleeve top, but I would think most people have the decency to take their hood off in a place or worship. His entire outfit is black from what I can see, his zip-up hoodie looks old and tattered and has band patches sewn all over it. His mom rips off his hood and he glares at her and she looks forward. He pushes his hair back and slouches into his seat and looks ahead as well. His eyes meet mine and I realize I've been staring. He watches me for a few seconds then looks over to the front of the sanctuary. I turn back around and write on my note paper. Who is that? I put it on Jasey's hand. When she looks down at it she looks at me, rolls her eyes and shakes her head and looks forward. I fight the urge to turn back around and listen to the rest of the sermon that now seems to drag on.

"But in any case, when we feel fear, when we feel alone, when we feel like we don't know where to go from here... He knows where we are going. He knows how we are getting there, so place all your faith and your trust in him. Thank you all so much for being here. The prayer team is up front for prayer requests. Have a blessed day we will see you next week."