One Last Prayer

Part 7

The rest of the week goes by quite the same. I'm incredibly happy to wake up on Friday and know that it is the last day of what seemed like the longest week of my life. I have never been so overwhelmed by the presence of people around me and I am starting to understand that I would have never made it this far in high school if I had many friends the entire time. There is always buzzing, always people gossiping, always people snickering behind your back as you turn away after doing something that isn't funny in your own opinion.

I roll over in bed and look at my closed blinds. I haven't talked to Chase since our last message. I can feel his eyes blaze into me in every class we share together, but for the most part I feel like he's avoiding me just as much as I am avoiding him at every free chance. Sitting up I think about opening the blinds, but I'm not sure I'm ready. Maybe I'll get through just this last day without talking to him before I open up to that idea and see what it brings to our friendship, or whatever it would be that we had going for us.

I stand in the shower too long after I've finished washing my hair and body. I look at my shoulders and they've started turning red from the hot water, but it's more relaxing than painful. I drift back to my conversation with my dad last night, feeling numb to the fact that I don't even feel bad about it.

"Are you going to go to your group tonight?" He asked enthusiastically.

I only shook my head staring down at my untouched food on the plate. I could sense that he wasn't taking his eyes off of me, but if he was disappointed he never let it show.

"Well, whenever you're ready. I know the girls miss you."

"I don't know if I'll be ready at any point. I have a lot of homework this year. A lot on my plate." I use this opportunity to look up at him and I see that he's not buying it, so I continue. "I honestly feel better praying alone than I do with a group of people. I just want to be alone." I studied him and saw the disappointment slowly setting in.

He put his hands folded to his mouth, his elbows resting on the table as he stared at me. "You're drifting." I shook my head slowly and he held up a hand to stop me. "You are old enough to make your own choices. But until you're an adult and while you're under my roof, you will continue to attend church on Sundays. Give me that much."

I looked down and started to play with my food, twirling the noodles with my fork. "I still love and fear God. I want to make that clear."

He cut me off as he scooted his chair out from the table. "I always knew you had your mother's free spirit in you. I just thought if I showed you the love of God, you would choose right."

I raised my voice as he was walking away. "I still love God, how is that wrong?" I heard the front door close and that was the last I saw of him for the night.

When I finally turn the shower off it's only because the water has run cold. I step out rapping my towel around myself and looking in the mirror. I put my hand on the drawer where I stored my mom's old make up that she left, when she left me. I open it slowly and look down at all the unfamiliar products and move to look at myself again. What would I look like, if I became like every other girl in my grade? Would I look like them? I shake my head and close the drawer, leaving the bathroom and going back into my room to get ready quickly.

Once I'm dressed in a pastel pink crop top and some dark blue skinny jeans, I pull on my white chucks and tie them up quickly. I tear through my wet hair after seeing the clock. I must've been in the shower longer than I thought, and I won't have time to dry out this mess of waves at all. I head toward the door and look back at the jacket on my desk chair that I've been sleeping with for the last few nights. I turn back grabbing it quickly and leave the house.